A Little Personal Retreat
This is usually about the time of year that I'm preparing to go back to the States to spend the holidays with my family and take a step back from life to reflect and recuperate, and I can feel it. It's this certain kind of tired that can't really be satiated with sleep. It's the kind of tired that's easier to avoid than to face head-on. It's not like my life is that much busier than normal, but my soul feels weary and in a fog. Raúl just got his immigrant visa appointment for next month which on the one hand means an unending to do list of what paperwork I need to copy and assemble and not being able to sleep at night until I get all of those last firing reminders of what I need to get done written down and out of my brain. But on the other hand, Honduras is in the midst of watching as a caravan of their fellow countrymen pushes forward to the US border. There have been some marches of solidarity, and many have taken the opportunity to voice many of the protests that echoed after the election debacle. There are still people posting invitations to join up with the thousands of people who have gone before them. It's a thick juxtaposition that Raúl has received his visa appointment in the midst of all of this. It's the last step in a very long process that we started over a year ago, and we're both nervous and excited. It's the last step that still carries financial implications that so many of the people who are desperately walking in that caravan could never afford. It's an issue too vast and complicated to wrap my brain around or to even feebly try to offer a solution. It's a topic that people eagerly bring up with me, and while my heart is in it in many ways, I can't verbalize it. But, I feel it, and I would be remiss if I didn't at least acknowledge it.
Life has been feeling like a merry-go-round I can't quite get off of yet. Some part of that may be the political circumstances going on around me, but really, that speed and restlessness and dizzying heaviness sneak in through more subtle ways. It comes in too much mindless background noise. It shows when my conversations with Raúl revolve more around home chores and what needs to be done rather than about what we're learning or what we're excited about or how we're feeling. A lot of deep sighing and heaviness. Avoiding phone calls and interactions that seem to take a little more energy than they usually do. It happens when something interrupts my good routines, and little by little, my good habits start being less and less of a priority. It shows in how much city traffic affects me and when I start cooking to fill the obligatory void instead of taking joy in the creative process of melding flavors together. It's the tension in my shoulders and feeling when my eyes burn because I forget to use my glasses. It's decision fatigue. It's when I don't want to write because I don't want to reflect. It's feeling like I'm never getting enough done even when I know that it's not life or death that it doesn't get done today. It's when I get emotional over something bizarre. It's when those small disappointments start seeping into the cracks in my soul--cracks I haven't been responsible enough to fill with worship and time to receive God's presence. I'm still doing devotional time and still in Christian community. But, sometimes the only way to recharge is to unplug and take a purposeful step back from life's ongoing current to sit on the bank with God. Don't get me wrong--I'm not angry or depressed or in despair. I still greet my dog with a smile in the morning and enjoy visiting with my friends. I'm still participating in life and with overall happiness. I'm just feeling a little disconnected from the Vine. A little thirsty and in need of a breather. I'm in need of more quality time with the One my soul needs.
Last month, I was starting to feel the fog really creeping in. And, I knew this month was going to be a pretty busy one. So, I scheduled a personal retreat. This is the first, in-country, personal retreat I've taken in seven years. Usually, when I go to the States, it coincides right about that time when I'm starting to feel some burn-out and compassion fatigue. And, surrounded by the love of family and more quiet and fewer distractions, I can recharge, reflect, and return with a new perspective. But, it's going to be a while before I return to the States, and my soul is thirsty now. I don't want to wait until a physical illness demands my slowing down to rest So, I'll be taking some time this weekend to just re-set and be intentional in my silence, my stillness, my thankfulness, and my wonder.
Have you ever taken a personal spiritual retreat? What does that look like for you? I'd love to hear about your experiences...
Life has been feeling like a merry-go-round I can't quite get off of yet. Some part of that may be the political circumstances going on around me, but really, that speed and restlessness and dizzying heaviness sneak in through more subtle ways. It comes in too much mindless background noise. It shows when my conversations with Raúl revolve more around home chores and what needs to be done rather than about what we're learning or what we're excited about or how we're feeling. A lot of deep sighing and heaviness. Avoiding phone calls and interactions that seem to take a little more energy than they usually do. It happens when something interrupts my good routines, and little by little, my good habits start being less and less of a priority. It shows in how much city traffic affects me and when I start cooking to fill the obligatory void instead of taking joy in the creative process of melding flavors together. It's the tension in my shoulders and feeling when my eyes burn because I forget to use my glasses. It's decision fatigue. It's when I don't want to write because I don't want to reflect. It's feeling like I'm never getting enough done even when I know that it's not life or death that it doesn't get done today. It's when I get emotional over something bizarre. It's when those small disappointments start seeping into the cracks in my soul--cracks I haven't been responsible enough to fill with worship and time to receive God's presence. I'm still doing devotional time and still in Christian community. But, sometimes the only way to recharge is to unplug and take a purposeful step back from life's ongoing current to sit on the bank with God. Don't get me wrong--I'm not angry or depressed or in despair. I still greet my dog with a smile in the morning and enjoy visiting with my friends. I'm still participating in life and with overall happiness. I'm just feeling a little disconnected from the Vine. A little thirsty and in need of a breather. I'm in need of more quality time with the One my soul needs.
Last month, I was starting to feel the fog really creeping in. And, I knew this month was going to be a pretty busy one. So, I scheduled a personal retreat. This is the first, in-country, personal retreat I've taken in seven years. Usually, when I go to the States, it coincides right about that time when I'm starting to feel some burn-out and compassion fatigue. And, surrounded by the love of family and more quiet and fewer distractions, I can recharge, reflect, and return with a new perspective. But, it's going to be a while before I return to the States, and my soul is thirsty now. I don't want to wait until a physical illness demands my slowing down to rest So, I'll be taking some time this weekend to just re-set and be intentional in my silence, my stillness, my thankfulness, and my wonder.
Have you ever taken a personal spiritual retreat? What does that look like for you? I'd love to hear about your experiences...
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