An Interview with My Mom

As I have been introducing my US life and my culture to Raúl, I decided that I also wanted to take some time to introduce my readers to an integral part of who I am—my mom, Kim. She’s the nurturer who used to pat my back so I could get to sleep as a kid. She’s the nurse who used to set us up with a bell to ring for popsicles and soup whenever we were sick and who remains my 24-hour, emergency, on-call, medical consult. Her medical advice has aided many of our kids when they’ve had sliced open tongues, an infection after surgery, and much more. From my mom, I learned constancy—we pick on her about how over-prepared she is, but we always know that she will have whatever we need on hand. (Raúl couldn’t believe my mom had him cart a cooler and a crockpot up to my hospital room when I was sick!) While my dad uses his creativity to make life special, my mom solidifies our family traditions with her thoughtfulness. She’s socially charming and makes friendship and hospitality look easy (a marvel for us introverts sometimes). And, as an Enneagram 2, she becomes the “mom” in all of her environments, thinking always of others. She’s a lover of board games and facilitates community even when she can’t speak the language. She’s one of the hardest workers I’ve ever seen, yet with all of the things on her plate, she still took the time to sit down with me on our back porch to have a bit of an intentional interview. I hope you enjoy:

Sarah: In what ways has life gone as expected, and in what ways has life surprised you?

Kim: Oh my gosh… In what ways has life gone as expected?

Sarah: Yeah, like when you were my age or younger, how has life gone as you expected it would be, and how has it surprised you?

Kim: It’s going too quickly. It goes way too quickly. My children are gone, and I just blinked my eyes. And they’re gone.

Sarah: I mean we’re here right now…

Kim: That’s advice I would give to anyone. Don’t blink your eyes because they’ll be all grown and gone, and it’s like where did the time go?

Sarah: Ok, so life hasn’t gone in any way like you expected?

Kim: I guess the only thing it’s probably gone as I expected is that I am still serving Jesus and that I love Jesus. And that’s probably the only thing. And, well, except that I’m still in love with your father and married to your father. Those are the only two things that are the constants and that’s gone as expected. I wouldn’t have expected to be working at a prison. I never in a million years expected to be working at a prison. Never.

Sarah: Shifting there for a second then, can you explain a little bit about what you do and what you like about your work?

Kim: I am a nurse at a medium security male prison.

Sarah: What do you like about that?

Kim: I wouldn’t have expected to like it, but I do like it. At one time it was a co-ed prison, and I don’t like working with females.

At this point she lets out a hearty laugh that joins in with the birds clamoring around us.

Kim: I have a better rapport with males for some reason.

Sarah: Just a different dynamic when you’re the same gender, where it’s like you’re in competition, or it’s like--

Kim: No, I find that female prisoners are more manipulative. I don’t know why, but I have a better rapport with male prisoners. I treat them with respect. If you treat them with respect, then you get respect back. If that makes any sense? They also know—I’ve worked there since 2004—a lot of them know where I stand and who I am in my faith. Does that answer your question?

Sarah: Yeah, I think so. I don’t know that you answered what you like about it necessarily.

Kim: I don’t know how to describe it! (She chuckles.) I don’t know how to describe it. It’s a constant. I know what to expect. I’ve been there since 2004. I know how to do a good job. And there are times when I can be a light, and I am. I have worked so long at my job because of the people. We are a family. I love the people there. But I never would’ve expected to be in that career in a million years. Ever.

Sarah: Going back to family, can you describe our family a little bit and what you feel is unique or special about it?

Kim: We’re a close family. I think that’s one of the most important things that we like about our family is that we’re a close family, and that even though everyone has their own thing, that we still keep in touch. And we value each other, and we value family time.

Sarah: What has it been like as your kids add significant others to the family? I mean we’re kind of at the beginning of that, I guess. But how do you feel about that?

Kim: I like it! To me, it’s very important to make them part of the family. And, I mean, it’s new. And it’s been very challenging as far as Raúl because we have the big language barrier, so it’s a lot more difficult to reach him and make him feel part because--

Sarah: You just can’t use words.

Kim: Right. But prayer has been my number one because I can see it happening. I think he is feeling like he’s one of us. I mean I don’t that for sure, but I think he is.

Sarah: Yeah. It comes out in little things like joking with Samuel, and he is very connected to you which I think started when you came down whenever I was sick. What has been the hardest thing about being a mom? If you think back over all your many phases of being a mom—and knowing that I am not a mom yet--

Kim: Letting go of your children and letting them become adults.

Sarah: Harder than the newborn years of no sleeping and the teenage, mouthy years?

Kim: Yep. Cutting the apron strings is far greater than any of that other stuff. Yes, I am the Goldberg lady, remember?

Sarah: How would you describe your personality?

Starting with a wide grin, she laughs.

Kim: Well, your dad says I’m the Goldberg lady.

Sarah: Well, for those readers who don’t watch The Goldbergs, how would you describe being the Goldberg lady?

Kim: I’m over-protective. I am the mom who always makes sure you have enough to eat and that you have a jacket on. I am the mom that wants to know where you’re going and when you’re going to be back. I’m the mom that’s going to check on you, and if you don’t live near me, I’m going to check on you and text you—“How are you today?” I’m going to keep tabs on you.

Sarah: And outside of the role of “mom,” how would you describe your personality?

Kim: Well, my boss tells me that I’m the mom of the medical unit.

Sarah: I can see that, yeah.

Kim: I am the one that takes care of all of the birthdays. I bring in the birthday cakes and the cards and makes sure that everyone has a little present. I brought in a bunch of plants for the medical unit, and everybody wanted a piece of plants that I have. And I root the plants, and I spread a little love around at the medical unit, make sure that everyone is doing okay. So, yeah, mom of the medical unit would suffice. I’m a loyal friend. I kind of mother everyone.

Sarah: How do you feel like your childhood shaped who you are now or what your personality is?

Kim: I don’t know that I remember a whole lot of my childhood! I’m a lot like my mother. I don’t really know that I remember a lot of my childhood.

Sarah: Were you responsible for your siblings? Did you have to take care of them a lot? (She’s the oldest of three.)

Kim: When they were younger, yes. So, yeah, maybe so. I was the oldest, so yeah.

Sarah: Being a caretaker from early on.

Kim: Yes.

Sarah: I can identify with that. Why did you decide to be a nurse?

Kim: It probably had a lot to do with the fact that my mom was a nurse and my grandmother was a nurse.

Sarah: Grandmom’s mom was a nurse? I don’t think I remembered that.

Kim: I started out as a nursing assistant first to see if I liked it. Then after I decided I liked it, I went to school to become an LPN.

Sarah: That’s interesting, I guess, how generational tendencies kind of led you down that path when it’s a pretty appropriate occupation for who you are, what your personality is.

Kim: I do love being a nurse. I really do.

Sarah: It’s something you naturally excel at. What is a difficulty you’ve had to overcome?

Kim: I’ve had to overcome a lot of health issues.

Sarah: How have you overcome them or what has helped you get through them?

Kim: Prayer. Prayer, medication, faith. Just continuing on. Things are better—things are a lot better.

Sarah: What are your interests or your hobbies?

Kim: I like plants.

Sarah: Why do you like plants? I will say that’s one of the things Raúl has noticed here is that everyone has flowers or vegetables gardens. He’s been asking me about why that is.

Kim: Well, I just—especially my plants in the house. You guys are all gone, so they’re my babies.

Sarah: Well, other than your furry babies like your big furry baby, Rowdy (yellow Labrador dog), and Daisy (black Lab dog).

Kim: Well, I like to get new plants. I like to get sickly-looking plants that are like a dollar, and I pot them and bring them back to life. I talk to them and touch them and make their leaves shiny with stuff. I put Miracle Gro on them, and it’s a thing. I see how much they can grow. It’s a thing. And then my herb garden out here. I love to go and pick some things and cook with them. It’s a hobby. I love my plants. And, I took a bunch of cuttings and brought my boss a whole bunch of plants for her office, and she wasn’t really into plants. Since then, her plants are growing big time, and she’s re-potted them, and she loves them. She’s really into them now. She gets so excited and said, “Thank you so much for introducing me to plants!” That blesses me to show people how wonderful plants are. Now in the office we trade plants—cut a piece, root it, then we can trade. And we love it.

Sarah: It’s the adult Pokemon card club.

Kim: Yes! I also enjoy my birds. I kind of feel like--

Sarah: You’ve become Grandmom?

Kim: Yes! I’ve gotten the love of plants and bird-watching from my mom. Of course, she has her bird feeder. And she has squirrels—I don’t have squirrels. But she loves watching her hummingbird and her other birds. I kind of got that from my mom. That’s another thing that I love. There for a while I was into walking and hiking, but then I got sick. But I’m hoping to get back into that since I’m getting better.

Sarah: What gives you self-esteem?

Kim: Well, I know that my self-esteem is supposed to come from Jesus. I know that. And I try to stay on that. But I find that when I am blessing other people, you know, with like the plants and the birthday stuff—not that I do that for me—but I feel like when I’m listening to the Holy Spirit, and I’m blessing other people, I get blessed.

Sarah: Well, it’s like you’ve found your particular place, or you are able to work through that relationship with the Holy Spirit in a practical way that fits your purpose as person.

Kim: Well, and the other thing is that when I do my job well, I know that—I used to have a problem with performance orientation. I had a problem with saying yes all the time and not being able to say no. We’ve been through that wheel, and it’s not like that. I’m at a really good place of being able to listen to the Holy Spirit of what things I’m supposed to do. When I go to work, I talk to the Holy Spirit, and I pray. And I ask the Lord to help me to not make any mistakes and to help me to make divine connections with my co-workers and with those around me.

Sarah: Ways of showing God’s love to the people around you…

Kim: And showing your faith. Helping to open my eyes and ears to the Holy Spirit. Helping me be more susceptible to the Holy Spirit and listening to the Holy Spirit, so I don’t miss Him. I believe that when I do that, and I can hear Him, and I can act on something He tells me to do, then natural self-esteem happens because I’ve responded to hearing His voice. And it’s not performance oriented like it used to be in my earlier days when I was insecure. It’s just that I’m in a really good place, and I’m learning to hear His voice and wanting to be a blessing to my co-workers and to do a good job. And also wanting to be a blessing and to be used of the Holy Spirit.

Sarah: I think for me, personally, some of my first lessons about what it means to be a missionary came from seeing you and dad just be missionaries just wherever you are. Knowing how to have a mindset of being a missionary—not dependent on where you live. It’s not about being in a foreign nation first. It’s about what mindset do you have in relation to the people around you no matter what work you do or where you live or anything like that. I mean that’s—anyone can be a missionary. And I think every Christian is called to be a missionary, and the way that we carry that out may look differently for everyone. But, I think I’ve always admired that about you and dad. We don’t get a full understanding of all of the ways that just being yourselves and being faithful that God has used that. But when you get those little glimpses, it’s pretty cool. In what ways to do you see yourself in me?

Kim: You mean, when I look at you, how do I see me?

Sarah: I think what ways am I like you is probably an easier way of phrasing the question.

Kim: Well, I don’t know. When I look at you, you amaze me, so I don’t know about that. I think it’s pretty amazing when you call me, and you’ve never been to nursing school, but you call me, and you say, “So and so has a dental abscess, what do I get for him?” I mean—all kinds of ways like that, I see me.

Sarah: I’m really spoiled with a 24/7 on-call nurse. You’ve had to put up with my middle of the night, two in the morning calls.

Kim: You wear many hats when you’re in Honduras. In that respect, I see myself.

Sarah: Even now, I always marvel at how hard of a worker you are and all of the stuff that you get done. I hate housework. I hate it. And there are several times when I’m either getting all kinds of stuff done, or I’m not getting anything done, and I think, “Mom gets up at 4 or 5 in the morning and washes dishes and then does other stuff and waters her plants and feeds the dogs and cleans the bathroom and then goes to work and works all day.” That’s always been a marvel for me because I don’t know that I always have that work ethic for things that don’t concern serving other people. If it’s for other people or in some kind of a structure, I can be very on top of things, but when it comes to something that I feel like I can let go, I’m not always the hardest of workers. But, I do feel like I got a lot of planning aspects from you. Knowing how to make things special I feel like I got from you. I think both you and dad are good at that in different ways. I think his is a little more creative and spontaneous, and yours is more consistency. Every time we’d go to the drive-in movie, we knew that you’d have special snacks. Any time we go camping, there is always so much planning on your part. That’s the kind of stuff that you take for granted as a kid, but as an adult and now as a wife and in ministry or whatever, it’s hours of work!

Kim: Yeah, you have to plan out the meals and the food and have game stuff and equipment. You have to have all that stuff, so you can have a good time.

Sarah: There’s just a lot of work that goes into planning, and sometimes that good time lasts a very short span of time. Now that I have taken on the role of being the person making things special, I have definitely more than once had that sense of, “I’m so thankful that my family made aspects of life special. And not even monetarily. Not in financial ways. Just in, we’re not going to let today be any other kind of day sort of thing.

Kim: We kind of do our own thing. So you don’t realize that other families don’t necessarily do that. Other families don’t always hang together. They go and do their own thing, and you don’t realize that some other families just don’t spend time together and do things together.

Sarah: Yeah, I think maybe just because I didn’t have much of an adulthood of living in the States, there’s been a part of me that’s wanted to believe that the differences I’ve seen between our family and some of the families that I’ve seen in Honduras is a cultural, Honduran thing. And that’s not really the case either. There are a lot of families where everyone gets home from work and school, everyone goes to their separate rooms, and no one is in the same room even. And that’s something that I value—even something as small as when we were little, we’d come home from church every Sunday, and we knew, there would be lunch and then we’d probably take a family nap. And family nap usually meant that each one of us was on a couch in the living room, sleeping—it’s not like we were talking—but there was this sense of we play together, we work together, and we rest together. That’s a concept that not every family has learned, and if you don’t have that from your parents that raise you, you don’t that that’s possible until you see that in someone else’s family. And I think that that’s been the case that I’ve encountered—we don’t realize that we’re anything different or that we have anything other than the ordinary to offer. But even just being a healthy—although quirky—family is something to offer for people who have never had that. Anyway…

Kim: You’re cooking skills have far surpassed mine, my dear.

Sarah: Well, kind of out of necessity. Frozen and canned foods and all of those conveniences aren’t as much of a thing in Honduras. But, what is it like having a kid who is a missionary?

Kim: Well, it sure stretches your faith. I have become more of a prayer warrior, and I’ve learned to trust Jesus way beyond what I used to. And I’ve learned that He’s faithful. I have learned to trust Him.

Sarah: I think you guys have done very well in being supportive without being demanding or overbearing. You would never tell me, but I know there’s a lot more going on internally with whatever is going on. But I don’t feel demanded. And a lot of missionaries don’t have that. A lot of missionaries don’t have a supportive family. Were there any indications when I was little that I would take the path that I have taken in life? Part of me wants to say no because I was a really shy kid there for a while.

Kim: Other than you spoke in tongues when you were five (and called it your “Spanish”), other than that I don’t know.

Sarah: What is something that God’s been saying or you’ve been learning lately?

She pauses, and for the first time since we started, I can hear the crickets chirping around us as the sun is finishing its descent.

Kim: Just that I’m focused on prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit. Trying to bless people well. People all around me—people I work with, people that I come in contact with, strangers.

Sarah: What’s on the horizon, or what about the future excites you?

Kim: I’m excited about becoming a grandparent some day! I’m looking forward to retiring with your dad. Traveling some and missions work. Not sure what that looks like yet.

Sarah: Do you have anything else that you’d like to share with my readers? You’re one of the most faithful readers, rivaled only maybe by my grandmothers.

Kim: Just that I’m thankful. I’m thankful for your faithful supporters.

As I was finishing writing up this interview, my mom was finding ways to communicate with Raúl as they cut herbs from her herb garden. Then she was washing the camping dishes and consulting her many packing lists before we head out for a family camping excursion soon. Much of what she does is behind the scenes, but there is much security in our family because of her service, her thoughtfulness, and her consistency. Apart from all of that, she’s also the spice of our family life as most of the times I’ve laughed so hard that tears have streamed down my face have been related to Kimmy moments and Kimmy stories. So, here’s to my mama—I’m a better person because of her.