Being Still: March 2020 Recap

In the spirit of maintaining some kind of routine and rhythm, I am going to make this recap post as I have done for over a year now. I have lots of thoughts about COVID-19 and the way it's shaping the world, but sorting through those thoughts to find meaning and emerging themes worth sharing doesn't come easily. And, let's be honest, sometimes we need a mental break from all of the news bombarding us. We need to be informed, and I am sensitive to not wanting to downplay the reality of how this is hitting people with real feelings and needs and bodies. However, I, for one, am having a hard time marking the time and wrapping my head around all that this month entailed. In Honduras, we are coming up on two weeks of complete lockdown (at least in Tegucigalpa). The last time I was out of my neighborhood at all was two weeks ago. And, the days are starting to run together. This is history in the making, and none of us knows how we will be affected or what life will look like on the other side. Now more than ever, we are having to learn to take one day at a time and to live as full of a life as possible in the midst of uncertainty and not knowing our destination. That's worth recording. Reflection right now is important for the preservation of history and for recognizing our own growth, but it's also important for discerning what our individual lives need to look like as we move forward. I think globally we are slowly moving beyond the stage of grief where we can continue to be in denial or hold our breaths like this is just going to blow over. This is real. So, who are we and what do our lives consist of when so many of the things we've taken for granted are stripped away? Things to ponder. In the mean time, this is what my life looked like this month before and during easing into lockdown.(And as a side note, all of those physical manifestations of stress that were happening last month have completely stopped. Turns out--there is value in slowness and being still. And while there is obviously some anxiety tied to the state of the world, because life is slower, it's easier for me make the conscious decision to be more mindful in my thoughts, to cry it out when I need to, and to saturate myself with God's presence and messages of hope.) 

What I Watched:
You would think that this category would be a list a mile long since I've been home for two weeks straight, but the truth is that I haven't let myself enjoy a lot of this time as if it were a vacation. I am still working in many ways even though that work is unconventional. We're still checking on our people in ministry; we are still seeking God as to what ministry needs to look like in this time. I'm still teaching some classes for VIPKID. My house still needs cleaned; food still needs made, etc.

1) Restaurants on the Edge. I like cooking shows and travel shows and decorating shows. All of them cater to my love of adventure and my need for a creative outlet. This show combines all of those things. The premise is to work with a struggling restaurant to pin down what their niche is, decorate and facilitate their space accordingly, improve their business model, and come up with recipes that would be attractive for their customers. I liked this show all right and appreciate the premise. It wasn't my favorite, but it was pretty cool to see some more of the world since they helped restaurants in several different countries. It was unique that they tried to come up with recipes using local ingredients and tried to find locations and stories that made connecting to those cultures more accessible as a viewer. Some of the hosts seem rather pretentious, and some of their suggestions or fixes seem a bit impractical. All in all, it's not a bad show to have on as you're chopping up vegetables for your own meals (as I was usually doing while watching).

2) Jeopardy. Yes, I'm one of those people. When I told my dad that I had been watching Jeopardy, he said something to the effect of, "Are you serious? When I saw that was on Netflix, I thought, 'Who on earth would want to watch that?!'" Apparently, I would, my friend. I appreciate it because when I have a distracted mind it makes me focus on the present and is very non-committal. I enjoy observing the nerdiness of some of the contestants even as I'm internally jealous of their intelligence. And, I like making myself feel better when I get answers right. Plus, there is something nostalgic about watching a game show that played in our living room every evening growing up (my parents have never had cable, and there are only so many choices on four channels).

3) Ugly Delicious. This was my favorite thing that I watched this month and at the same time, so heartbreaking since Chef Floyd Cardoz, who is featured in the series, just passed away from COVID-19. I have mentioned this series before, but this season felt even more personal and special than last season. The show follows Chef David Chang as he explores different food cultures and how food brings us together. If you are only going to watch one episode, watch the first one. It follows David and his wife as they are emotionally and physically preparing to have their first child. It takes a lot for me to consider television as a beautiful medium, but that first episode is so beautiful because it's so personal, emotional, and genuine. They interview various chefs talking about how having children affected their life view and their careers as they follow David's wife's pregnancy. And, they look at what cooking for children means for people who are so passionate about food and sophisticated palates. Be advised--it does have strong language.


 What I Read:

From Amazon

1) Unpunishable: Ending Our Love Affair with Punishment by Danny Silk. This book will most likely go on the list of best books I've read this year. Everything I've ever read from Danny Silk is so full of wisdom and completely fresh perspective. He sees so many topics from a lens that I've never seen anyone present in the same way. This book explores how our cravings for punishment and our own version of justice as humans leaks into all of our interactions, and it leads us to see how God's version of justice and healing is superior. This book is an excellent read for anyone but especially for those who work with socially at-risk populations, those who are incarcerated, those in ministry, and parents. I don't think I've ever come across a better book to explain how we can administer reconciliation and healing as leaders nor have I seen repentance explained in such practical terms. I highly recommend this book. Here are a few excerpts that stood out to me:

"...until someone who has violated or betrayed a relationship repents, there can be no reconciliation or restoration. In such cases, you are dealing with a person who is refusing to clean up their mess or change, which means they will violate and betray again. They are insisting on remaining as a selfish predator in their relationships."

"When our goal is self-preservation, the fear of punishment only adds fuel to the fire of our self-interested behavior."

"We may succeed in stopping certain bad behaviors and demonstrating good behavior, but it will still be good behavior with selfish motives, which is incapable of producing anything truly good in the long run."

"The fear of the Lord is the opposite of the fear of punishment. Its goal is protecting connection, not pursuing self-preservation, and nowhere does it use punishment as a strategy to achieve that goal. The fear of the Lord leads us toward God, not away from Him."

"...in the new covenant, discipline is focused on benefiting the person who has made the mess. In the punishment paradigm, the focus is on protecting the interests of everyone but the offender, but in the new covenant, we understand that helping the mess-maker clean up their mess is ultimately what will produce justice and healing for everyone affected by it." 



From Amazon

2) The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers. This book is honestly difficult to review because it deals with such sensitive themes. For starters, it's the story of a young woman who is raped on her college campus and gets pregnant. Her situation and impending choices greatly affect those around her who have hidden histories of their own. Francine Rivers is great at writing a story that sucks me in. Even her books that I feel like aren't my favorites of hers inevitably are books that I can't put down. I understand why she wrote this book, and I also feel like she does some decent justice to the realities of the emotions involved for her characters and their trials without being too judgmental. I appreciate that Francine Rivers, as an author, isn't cookie cutter religious. She is a Christian author, but she also calls her readers to personal relationship with God rather than following a set of religious rules. But, there are times when she is laying her message on thickly, and my biggest complaint is how neatly and quickly everything wraps up. I love a happy ending personally, but if I put myself in the shoes of someone who may have similar experiences to the protagonist, I could see where that could feel patronizing. I believe this book comes from a compassionate heart, and I think it's worth reading as long as the reader understands the author's lens and that the subject material is heavy even though it ends well (even albeit too easily).


From Amazon

3) Who Switched Off My Brain?: Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions by Dr. Caroline Leaf. This book is very straightforward and a quick read. Because it was written by a doctor and does deal with some topics related to neuroscience, I was surprised by how quick the pace is and how short the chapters are. This book talks about how our thoughts and emotions can affect our physical well-being and how it can affect our life direction and behavior. It has a lot of good information about dealing with toxic aspects of our inner selves and how to start being proactive in positivity. The author is a Christian, so while the book does contain scientific assertions, it's from a Christian lens. Many of the chapters also offer specific exercises that one can do to put the ideas into practice. Because the pace of the book is so quick, I think this is a book that I will need to revisit and dig deeper into in terms of doing the exercises in order to reap the full benefit. But, so far, it has helped me to be more mindful of how I am thinking and what thoughts I am nurturing, which is timely in this season of extraordinary anxieties. Here is a theme that stood out to me from the book:

"You can't have optimal growth and protection at the same time because your body usually concentrates on one or the other at any given time." 

What I Ate:

Photo by Rhianon Lassila

1) Virgin Bloody Marys. When it gets hot, for whatever reason, this is what I crave. My dad likes tomato juice, and I grew up occasionally having spicy V8 juice in my lunches. Call me weird, but I love it. This just takes it one step beyond spicy V8 juice. My version (depending on what I have on hand) often includes: spicy V8 juice or regular V8 juice or tomato juice, pickle juice or the juice from something like pickled banana peppers or pepperoncinis, Worcestershire sauce, Louisiana hot sauce, lime juice, Old Bay seasoning, black pepper, garlic powder, and salt (but salt sometimes isn't needed if your tomato/vegetable juice is high in sodium). Must be extra cold, or it's not refreshing.

2) Chicken Broccoli Alfredo Soup. This was a fluke. It came about because I had had chicken broccoli alfredo on my meal plan for a while and just wasn't getting to it. And then I got a cold, and all I wanted was soup. This was really really good and worth eating over and over while recuperating from the cold, and Raúl and I duked it out for the leftovers. (The sickie won since he gave me the cold. Ha ha.) Here is a recipe (I also added some mozzarella cheese and some fresh parsley...it was yummy with a dash of Louisiana hot sauce to clear the sinuses and give it some lightness with acid; weird combination, I know...maybe it's my inner Honduran adding hot sauce to everything...or maybe my weirdo of a husband rubbing off on me):
https://www.yellowblissroad.com/chicken-broccoli-alfredo-soup/


Photo by Larry White

3) Pad Thai. This has been our best quarantine food so far. It's not very basic, but I just happened to have it on the meal plan before we went on lockdown and had most of the necessary ingredients as a result. I did have to make some substitutions because fish sauce is hard to come by here in my normal shopping locations, and I didn't have palm sugar. And I added cauliflower and shredded chicken because I didn't have bean sprouts, radishes, or tofu. Basically, follow this hilarious recipe from Jen Hatmaker to have really good pad Thai and don't settle for my makeshift version:
https://www.facebook.com/jenhatmaker/photos/alrightpad-thai-lets-do-this-first-the-sauce-in-a-small-pot-on-low-heat-together/664030133695985/

Playlists for This Month:
At the beginning of being quarantined, Lindsey (my friend, neighbor, and ministry partner) and I felt like we should do something to offer hope and also to invite people to re-fix their eyes on Jesus during this time of crisis. Worship is not only close to our hearts personally but also at the heart of our vision in ministry. So, we started making these playlists every day and sharing them with people who were interested. They feature songs in both English and Spanish because our community consists of English and Spanish speakers. We hope they are an encouragement during this time. If you're interested in the written devotionals that go with the playlists, you can e-mail me at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com. Here are the playlists we've made so far:

My Deliverer - by me

Peace - by Lindsey

Power in Presence - by me

Sound - by Lindsey

Security - by me

Remember - by Lindsey

Repentance - by me

Return - by Lindsey

Relinquish, Receive, Respond - by me

Rebuild - by Lindsey

Rekindle - by me

Revive - by me

Here are the songs having the most personal impact on me right now:

"My Deliverer" - Rick Elias or Rich Mullins
"Ain't No Grave" - Bethel Music
"The Blessing" by Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes
"God of Revival" by Bethel Music
"Great Are You Lord" by All Sons and Daughters
"Trust in You" by Anthony Brown & Group Therapy
"Tú" by Dariann González
"Every Cell" by United Pursuit
"Quiero Arder" by Marcos Brunet
"Living Fire" by Bethel Music
"Revival Anthem" by Rend Collective
"Take Courage" by Lindy Conant
"Missionary Anthem" by Seth Yates (YWAM Kona Music)
"We Want Revival Now" by Seth Yates, Savannah Bancroft, and Lydia Moreau (YWAM Kona Music)
"Palm of Your Hand" by Tribl Music

Here is that playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERDDFsw5e_onF7pPd4kzZdwRl_Xkpq6b

This isn't over yet, friends. In fact, for many of us, it may just be beginning. In this time, I pray that you will value your own life and the lives of others enough to take precautions and stay home as much as possible. At the same time, know that my heart is heavy for all of the people affected economically. Raúl and I and many members of my family are in the midst of taking hold of the invitation to live with a much deeper dependency on God and His provision. These are unprecedented times, and early on, when this started to hit close to home, I was reminded of the Mister Rogers quote: "When I was a boy and would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." I think that is overwhelmingly true right now, but I would also take it a step further to challenge each one of us to be a helper. We are living in times where the temptation is going to be to crawl into ourselves in self-preservation and fear. It is difficult to find practical ways to help when we are all so separated and isolated, but I think that something that Donald Miller recently said rings true--if necessity is the mother of invention, crisis is the mother of innovation. Just because we've always helped a certain way in the past doesn't mean that there isn't a new way that we can develop. Let's pray for divine creativity in this season to meet the needs of those around us. (It's clearly already started!) Let's be intentional in ushering in that innovation and in asking the Lord what He would have us do to be His hands and feet. (For starters, prayer and worship are powerful and are something we can do anywhere!)

I also pray that God would show Himself so faithful and so close to you in this season. I pray that you experience deeply that even in the midst of suffering His heart is one of love and not punishment. I pray that He gives you the strength to seek the tools you need for taking care of your mental health and that you feel the freedom to process your emotions and grief as they come. I pray God releases supernatural provision to you and that He would overwhelm you with hope from all directions.

And in the mean time, because laughter is medicine, here is my silly favorite for this month:

TV News Bloopers! Just type it into YouTube because there are way too many options to include links here.

Much love to you all from my four walls to yours.