Carried: April 2020 Recap
My word for this year is "promise," and one of the things I felt led to do this year was investigate the promises of God and hold onto a specific one as a theme for each month. While I have thought about what God's promises are in the midst of this COVID-19 crisis, I have also been pondering what my personal promise has been to hold onto this month. These were the verses that have stuck out:
“The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place” (Deuteronomy 1:30-31).
“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of
your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These
forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked
anything” (Deuteronomy 2:7).
Another aspect of refreshing my memory in relation to God's promises has been starting to re-read my old journals. One common thread I keep reminding myself of is how God has carried all of humanity up till this point and how He has carried me personally.
Life here in Honduras continues on lockdown. In fact, our measures of precaution were actually just made stricter today. We are up to 1010 COVID-19 cases. Of those, we have had 76 deaths and 116 recoveries. There is a backlog on tests, so even the numbers we're getting on a nightly basis are a week to ten days behind. The area of Cortes where the other major city is located (San Pedro Sula) has been hit the worst. Thus, their precautionary measures have been much stricter. They are not allowed to leave their homes at all. The only options for obtaining supplies is via delivery or the little corner neighborhood shops in walking distance. Up until today, everyone was allowed to circulate one day a week using the last digit of their ID or passport to determine what day to go out. Two numbers per day were allowed out, and no one was allowed out on Saturday or Sunday. Now, that has been switched to one number per day...which means only going out one day every other week. That means that all errands (in an already slow country) must be done in one day from 9AM to 5PM. Just to give you an idea of how that's been working, I waited to go into Wal-Mart for an hour and a half on Tuesday. And that was just one errand. People were already antsy, and adding this new measure on top of people who are already hungry (and how difficult it has been to buy items in bulk to be able to distribute food to the hungry) is causing drastic desperation. Prayers are greatly appreciated. For those of us who are missionaries from the US, we're also in the midst of seeing life slowly go back to normal for our loved ones in the US (and a lifting of measures that were never as strict as the measures here in most cases), and that can feel difficult to emotionally navigate. Within my own household, Raúl and I have very different perspectives on what taking precautions looks like, and that can be a cause of conflict. So, all the way around, while the needs may be extreme hunger or mild discomfort or just ongoing grieving, prayers are needed.
We're at seven weeks of this and are guaranteed to have two more (and who knows after that), yet even in the midst of discomfort, He has carried us. He has been fighting for us in the desert. He has been blessing us in beautiful ways which enable us to provide for others in dire need. We have truly lacked nothing even as we are recognizing what we're feeling as it comes. Some days are really hard, and I would be lying if I said I'm thriving all the time in this middle of this. I have some days that are surprisingly productive, and I take full advantage of that wave. But, I also have other days when I just need to let myself exist and breathe. It can take a lot of intentionality to fight unhealthy apathy or to keep oneself from the downward spiral, but on the days, I feel like it's all too big for my heart to process, that's when I know I'm being carried. This week, the greatest relief and sign of God's ongoing presence with us was the rain that we have been longing for in the midst of a vicious fire season and smoke that has been suffocating.
What I Ate:
1) Macerated onions. This recipe came about via reading Salt Fat Acid Heat by Samin Nosrat. “Macerated” is just a fancy word for steeped in vinegar aka pickled. But, whereas a lot of pickling recipes include heating up the vinegar with spices, this one is literally just sticking some thinly sliced red onions in a jar and covering it with salt and vinegar. You give it a little shake and then leave it for a bit. Afterward you refrigerate it. I am not a huge fan of onions normally, but we have been eating these tangy onions on nearly everything. White chicken chili. Buffalo chicken salad. White rice. And, Raúl, beloved monster that he is, has been eating them on numerous other foods that truly are not good combinations. We now bicker over who has to put themselves through the tears and eye pain to re-fill the jar.
2) Harissa chicken with chick peas and sweet potatoes. As we know, I am not a recipe person. However, this one was exceptional. As many people who travel and people who live overseas know, suitcase space is prime real estate that you don’t waste on just anything. Spices, however, are worthy of that coveted space because unless you go to an expensive specialty store, spice options here are quite limited. So, last time I was in the US, I brought back a harissa spice blend, and this recipe was my way of taking it for a spin. It did not disappoint. Here is the recipe:
https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/sheet-pan-harissa-chicken-with-chickpeas-and-sweet-potatoes/
My biggest tweaks to the recipe were just making more batches of sauce to make sure that the chicken and vegetables were well-coated. We also did not mix the sauce with the chicken and vegetables on a sheet pan because it only takes a couple more minutes and dirtying a bowl to ensure that everything is covered in sauce. We didn’t have green olives (Raúl doesn’t like them anyway), so we combined chopped pepperoncini peppers with the feta cheese. We also mixed our yogurt with a little bit of lime juice and salt. All in all, great meal.
Photo by: Alice Pasqual
3) Pesto chicken broccoli pasta. A friend of ours has a thriving garden and made some great pesto. We roasted some broccoli, made some spaghetti noodles, shredded some chicken, and mixed it all together with the pesto. Dinner was served. Simple yet good.
4) Honey roasted za’atar chicken with dried fruit. This is a recipe I never would have thought of, but it was delicious. Here is the recipe we used: https://www.busyinbrooklyn.com/honey-roasted-zaatar-chicken-with-fruit/
I didn’t have any dried fruit on hand except dates and figs. Worked just as well. We ate it with rice and roasted broccoli.
Photo by: Sheri Silver
5) French onion soup. I was inspired by my sister who made some French onion soup for us when we were in the US, and it was super good. Again, onions are usually not my favorite, but when they are caramelized, and mixed with copious amounts of cheese, they are so good. Let me preface this by saying that this is not the kind of soup I want to eat day after day, so making a big batch is only a good idea if you’re going to freeze some (which I did). Here is a recipe for reference: https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/french_onion_soup/
(An actual photo of how it turned out for me...)
6) Sourdough French bread. As many people have been doing, I started a sourdough starter. I have since fallen off the wagon because remembering to feed it and discard it was more demanding than I wanted in this season of life. But, because I had generated quite a bit of sourdough starter, I wanted to find recipes to use it up. Plus, my access to decent bread for the French onion soup was limited. So, I decided to make this recipe. (I do use recipes for baking because it’s more of an exact science.) This bread turned out really well and was perfect for the soup. Here is the recipe: https://amessykitchen.blogspot.com/2010/06/french-sourdough-with-unfed-starter.html
What I Read:
1) Remember God by Annie F. Downs. My acquaintance with Annie F. Downs was first via her podcast, That Sounds Fun. She is a lot of fun, but I had never read any of her books. In the writing community that I am a part of, Hope*Writers, they had a book exchange over Christmas. This was the book that appeared in my mailbox, and I loved it! I loved Annie's transparency and the fact that she didn't try to tie up her book with a cliche message tied with a bow. It was a genuine peek into her relationship with God and how He speaks to her. I don't have any quotes to share because the whole book was just a refreshing invitation to keep clinging to God, to keep wrestling and asking the hard questions, and to not be afraid to invite God into our mess. This was a timely book in the midst of uncertainty and waiting. I recommend it.
2) People Fuel by John Townsend.
Books from John Townsend or Henry Cloud always have such great insight to offer. This book was no exception. The premise of this book is how we as people need one another and how we can be more intentional in seeking out healthy people to help us in various areas of life. I am not a businessperson, but I appreciated the stories of John Townsend's experiences coaching CEOs. I also really appreciated the emphasis that he put on attuning to others needs and not being dismissive in how we approach the emotions of others. Here is a quote that was very helpful to me:
“It wasn’t about becoming performance based instead of giving unconditional love. . . . We are called to love people, pray for them, and be for them. But if people want our time, they need to be shouldering some of the burden, owning their lives, unless they are in hospice care, in a crisis, or barely surviving.”
3) The Creative Call by Janice Elsheimer. This book is tailored for people who are seeking ways to serve God with creativity. It is written from a Christian perspective, and it asks us to be self-aware with the big questions of why we may feel like pursuing creative endeavors is somehow lesser or not as noble as serving people with tasks. And, it also offers practical exercises and journaling prompts to jumpstart someone who needs support in taking the steps to let God lead them within their creative calling. Here is a quote that impacted me:
“He wants to make us cocreators with him, but he can’t do so unless we believe that doing the work of becoming an artist is important, so important that sometimes other things may not get done. Satan, the master of deception, tries to convince us that taking time to be an artist is selfish and even sinful. He will sometimes use our sensitivity to the needs of others to steal our artist time. He will do anything he can to prevent that sweet communion with our Creator. Don’t listen to him. Doing artist work, when we let the Spirit lead, is doing God’s work.”
What I Watched:
1) 100 Humans. This show was recommended by my brother. If you’re a people watcher or just fascinated by human behavior, this show isn’t truly scientific, but it is entertaining. It follows a group of 100 humans who are participating in various, unique experiments such as what is the most capable age group, what are our ingrained biases, and other ridiculous questions like how the toilet paper roll should be arranged.
2) Community. This was a show that my family would occasionally be watching when I would come home from college. I never got into it when it was on the air, but my brother has long been a fan of Donald Glover, and I have since become a fan of Alison Brie. Plus, in this time, I tend to gravitate more toward comedies as relief. This show follows a group of unlikely friends who go to community college. I love any show that can make a set of characters feel like a family, and Community does do that. It is often absurd and chaotic humor, but they did so many creative things (like Claymation episodes) that it kept me engaged. I especially enjoyed the paintball episodes and have a new appreciation for Joel McHale and Danny Pudi.
3) Self-Made. I love Octavia Spencer, and I also appreciate a good historically-based story especially one that includes a woman champion who was ahead of her time. This Netflix series follows the story of Madam C. J. Walker and how she started her company of hair care products. As an African American woman, she faced great hurdles. As a businesswoman, she confronted many setbacks. It was fascinating to learn about her life. If I’m honest, I don’t think that the way the story was told exactly lived up to my hopes, but again, it was pretty entertaining and educational.
Playlist for the Month:
"Rest on Us" – TRIBL
"Sound Mind" – Helsers and Cageless Birds
"Yeshua" – Jesus Image Worship
"Behold" – Mission House featuring Sarah McMillan
"La Casa Es Tuya" – Sergio Vargas
"We Are One in the Spirit" – James Jackson & Chauntelle Hall
"Strike the Ground" – Seth Yates featuring Michael Ketterer
"Promises" – TRIBL
"Living Proof" – David and Nicole Binion featuring Steffany Gretzinger
"La Bendición" – En Espíritu y En Verdad
"Walk in the Promise" – Jeremy Riddle
"Sing It from the Shackles" – Rend Collective
"Egypt" – Cory Asbury
"Waterfall" – David and Nicole Binion featuring Maranda Curtis
"We Rise" – Jonathan and Melissa Helser
"Storm All around You" – Jon Thurlow
"I Don’t Wanna Go" – Chris Renzema
"Let Me Rediscover You" – downhere
"Dancing on the Waves" – Bethel Music featuring We the Kingdom
Another aspect of refreshing my memory in relation to God's promises has been starting to re-read my old journals. One common thread I keep reminding myself of is how God has carried all of humanity up till this point and how He has carried me personally.
Life here in Honduras continues on lockdown. In fact, our measures of precaution were actually just made stricter today. We are up to 1010 COVID-19 cases. Of those, we have had 76 deaths and 116 recoveries. There is a backlog on tests, so even the numbers we're getting on a nightly basis are a week to ten days behind. The area of Cortes where the other major city is located (San Pedro Sula) has been hit the worst. Thus, their precautionary measures have been much stricter. They are not allowed to leave their homes at all. The only options for obtaining supplies is via delivery or the little corner neighborhood shops in walking distance. Up until today, everyone was allowed to circulate one day a week using the last digit of their ID or passport to determine what day to go out. Two numbers per day were allowed out, and no one was allowed out on Saturday or Sunday. Now, that has been switched to one number per day...which means only going out one day every other week. That means that all errands (in an already slow country) must be done in one day from 9AM to 5PM. Just to give you an idea of how that's been working, I waited to go into Wal-Mart for an hour and a half on Tuesday. And that was just one errand. People were already antsy, and adding this new measure on top of people who are already hungry (and how difficult it has been to buy items in bulk to be able to distribute food to the hungry) is causing drastic desperation. Prayers are greatly appreciated. For those of us who are missionaries from the US, we're also in the midst of seeing life slowly go back to normal for our loved ones in the US (and a lifting of measures that were never as strict as the measures here in most cases), and that can feel difficult to emotionally navigate. Within my own household, Raúl and I have very different perspectives on what taking precautions looks like, and that can be a cause of conflict. So, all the way around, while the needs may be extreme hunger or mild discomfort or just ongoing grieving, prayers are needed.
We're at seven weeks of this and are guaranteed to have two more (and who knows after that), yet even in the midst of discomfort, He has carried us. He has been fighting for us in the desert. He has been blessing us in beautiful ways which enable us to provide for others in dire need. We have truly lacked nothing even as we are recognizing what we're feeling as it comes. Some days are really hard, and I would be lying if I said I'm thriving all the time in this middle of this. I have some days that are surprisingly productive, and I take full advantage of that wave. But, I also have other days when I just need to let myself exist and breathe. It can take a lot of intentionality to fight unhealthy apathy or to keep oneself from the downward spiral, but on the days, I feel like it's all too big for my heart to process, that's when I know I'm being carried. This week, the greatest relief and sign of God's ongoing presence with us was the rain that we have been longing for in the midst of a vicious fire season and smoke that has been suffocating.
What I Ate:
1) Macerated onions. This recipe came about via reading Salt Fat Acid Heat by Samin Nosrat. “Macerated” is just a fancy word for steeped in vinegar aka pickled. But, whereas a lot of pickling recipes include heating up the vinegar with spices, this one is literally just sticking some thinly sliced red onions in a jar and covering it with salt and vinegar. You give it a little shake and then leave it for a bit. Afterward you refrigerate it. I am not a huge fan of onions normally, but we have been eating these tangy onions on nearly everything. White chicken chili. Buffalo chicken salad. White rice. And, Raúl, beloved monster that he is, has been eating them on numerous other foods that truly are not good combinations. We now bicker over who has to put themselves through the tears and eye pain to re-fill the jar.
2) Harissa chicken with chick peas and sweet potatoes. As we know, I am not a recipe person. However, this one was exceptional. As many people who travel and people who live overseas know, suitcase space is prime real estate that you don’t waste on just anything. Spices, however, are worthy of that coveted space because unless you go to an expensive specialty store, spice options here are quite limited. So, last time I was in the US, I brought back a harissa spice blend, and this recipe was my way of taking it for a spin. It did not disappoint. Here is the recipe:
https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/sheet-pan-harissa-chicken-with-chickpeas-and-sweet-potatoes/
My biggest tweaks to the recipe were just making more batches of sauce to make sure that the chicken and vegetables were well-coated. We also did not mix the sauce with the chicken and vegetables on a sheet pan because it only takes a couple more minutes and dirtying a bowl to ensure that everything is covered in sauce. We didn’t have green olives (Raúl doesn’t like them anyway), so we combined chopped pepperoncini peppers with the feta cheese. We also mixed our yogurt with a little bit of lime juice and salt. All in all, great meal.
Photo by: Alice Pasqual
3) Pesto chicken broccoli pasta. A friend of ours has a thriving garden and made some great pesto. We roasted some broccoli, made some spaghetti noodles, shredded some chicken, and mixed it all together with the pesto. Dinner was served. Simple yet good.
4) Honey roasted za’atar chicken with dried fruit. This is a recipe I never would have thought of, but it was delicious. Here is the recipe we used: https://www.busyinbrooklyn.com/honey-roasted-zaatar-chicken-with-fruit/
I didn’t have any dried fruit on hand except dates and figs. Worked just as well. We ate it with rice and roasted broccoli.
Photo by: Sheri Silver
5) French onion soup. I was inspired by my sister who made some French onion soup for us when we were in the US, and it was super good. Again, onions are usually not my favorite, but when they are caramelized, and mixed with copious amounts of cheese, they are so good. Let me preface this by saying that this is not the kind of soup I want to eat day after day, so making a big batch is only a good idea if you’re going to freeze some (which I did). Here is a recipe for reference: https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/french_onion_soup/
(An actual photo of how it turned out for me...)
6) Sourdough French bread. As many people have been doing, I started a sourdough starter. I have since fallen off the wagon because remembering to feed it and discard it was more demanding than I wanted in this season of life. But, because I had generated quite a bit of sourdough starter, I wanted to find recipes to use it up. Plus, my access to decent bread for the French onion soup was limited. So, I decided to make this recipe. (I do use recipes for baking because it’s more of an exact science.) This bread turned out really well and was perfect for the soup. Here is the recipe: https://amessykitchen.blogspot.com/2010/06/french-sourdough-with-unfed-starter.html
What I Read:
1) Remember God by Annie F. Downs. My acquaintance with Annie F. Downs was first via her podcast, That Sounds Fun. She is a lot of fun, but I had never read any of her books. In the writing community that I am a part of, Hope*Writers, they had a book exchange over Christmas. This was the book that appeared in my mailbox, and I loved it! I loved Annie's transparency and the fact that she didn't try to tie up her book with a cliche message tied with a bow. It was a genuine peek into her relationship with God and how He speaks to her. I don't have any quotes to share because the whole book was just a refreshing invitation to keep clinging to God, to keep wrestling and asking the hard questions, and to not be afraid to invite God into our mess. This was a timely book in the midst of uncertainty and waiting. I recommend it.
2) People Fuel by John Townsend.
Books from John Townsend or Henry Cloud always have such great insight to offer. This book was no exception. The premise of this book is how we as people need one another and how we can be more intentional in seeking out healthy people to help us in various areas of life. I am not a businessperson, but I appreciated the stories of John Townsend's experiences coaching CEOs. I also really appreciated the emphasis that he put on attuning to others needs and not being dismissive in how we approach the emotions of others. Here is a quote that was very helpful to me:
“It wasn’t about becoming performance based instead of giving unconditional love. . . . We are called to love people, pray for them, and be for them. But if people want our time, they need to be shouldering some of the burden, owning their lives, unless they are in hospice care, in a crisis, or barely surviving.”
3) The Creative Call by Janice Elsheimer. This book is tailored for people who are seeking ways to serve God with creativity. It is written from a Christian perspective, and it asks us to be self-aware with the big questions of why we may feel like pursuing creative endeavors is somehow lesser or not as noble as serving people with tasks. And, it also offers practical exercises and journaling prompts to jumpstart someone who needs support in taking the steps to let God lead them within their creative calling. Here is a quote that impacted me:
“He wants to make us cocreators with him, but he can’t do so unless we believe that doing the work of becoming an artist is important, so important that sometimes other things may not get done. Satan, the master of deception, tries to convince us that taking time to be an artist is selfish and even sinful. He will sometimes use our sensitivity to the needs of others to steal our artist time. He will do anything he can to prevent that sweet communion with our Creator. Don’t listen to him. Doing artist work, when we let the Spirit lead, is doing God’s work.”
What I Watched:
1) 100 Humans. This show was recommended by my brother. If you’re a people watcher or just fascinated by human behavior, this show isn’t truly scientific, but it is entertaining. It follows a group of 100 humans who are participating in various, unique experiments such as what is the most capable age group, what are our ingrained biases, and other ridiculous questions like how the toilet paper roll should be arranged.
2) Community. This was a show that my family would occasionally be watching when I would come home from college. I never got into it when it was on the air, but my brother has long been a fan of Donald Glover, and I have since become a fan of Alison Brie. Plus, in this time, I tend to gravitate more toward comedies as relief. This show follows a group of unlikely friends who go to community college. I love any show that can make a set of characters feel like a family, and Community does do that. It is often absurd and chaotic humor, but they did so many creative things (like Claymation episodes) that it kept me engaged. I especially enjoyed the paintball episodes and have a new appreciation for Joel McHale and Danny Pudi.
3) Self-Made. I love Octavia Spencer, and I also appreciate a good historically-based story especially one that includes a woman champion who was ahead of her time. This Netflix series follows the story of Madam C. J. Walker and how she started her company of hair care products. As an African American woman, she faced great hurdles. As a businesswoman, she confronted many setbacks. It was fascinating to learn about her life. If I’m honest, I don’t think that the way the story was told exactly lived up to my hopes, but again, it was pretty entertaining and educational.
Playlist for the Month:
"Rest on Us" – TRIBL
"Sound Mind" – Helsers and Cageless Birds
"Yeshua" – Jesus Image Worship
"Behold" – Mission House featuring Sarah McMillan
"La Casa Es Tuya" – Sergio Vargas
"We Are One in the Spirit" – James Jackson & Chauntelle Hall
"Strike the Ground" – Seth Yates featuring Michael Ketterer
"Promises" – TRIBL
"Living Proof" – David and Nicole Binion featuring Steffany Gretzinger
"La Bendición" – En Espíritu y En Verdad
"Walk in the Promise" – Jeremy Riddle
"Sing It from the Shackles" – Rend Collective
"Egypt" – Cory Asbury
"Waterfall" – David and Nicole Binion featuring Maranda Curtis
"We Rise" – Jonathan and Melissa Helser
"Storm All around You" – Jon Thurlow
"I Don’t Wanna Go" – Chris Renzema
"Let Me Rediscover You" – downhere
"Dancing on the Waves" – Bethel Music featuring We the Kingdom
Here is the link to that playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERDDFsw5e_pNJQTJ7K8YHF6gwYSlJSKI
Let me be honest in saying that a lot of days, I don't even know what to pray. It feels taxing to try to wrap my brain around all the need. Sometimes, the best thing I can do for myself is invite God to minister to me in spite of my brain's limitations, the roller coaster of my emotions, and the temptations I feel to live too far ahead in the future (nearly impossible right now) or to live in the past (that now looks so different from reality). My sense of entitlement is for sure seeping out. Yet, I choose to keep building history with Him. I choose to remind myself of the ways that He has carried me before. My prayer for all of you is that you would take sometime to remember those testimonies you've collected over the years. Who has He been for you before, and who does He continue to be? I pray that you would indeed remember God in the midst of fears and precautions, squabbles and sadness, and on the days when it's hard to get out of bed. I pray that if you don't have some other humans to be lifelines for you in this time that you would be intentional in seeking some out. Maybe there is someone you've never been very intentional or open with who you know has the potential to be someone safe for you. I encourage you to take the risk of being intentional and seeking out that connection and help. I also pray that God would call you back to the simple things where He meets you. For me, that's often writing and worship and sometimes art. What does that look like for you? What hidden encouragement can come from your own hand or mouth? I pray that God would give us all a sound mind, eyes to behold Him, and the will to continue to fight for community. May we rediscover Him and know Him in ways we've never known Him before.
Sending you love in the midst of our lockdown!
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