God's Promises: He Ordains Our Time

Photo by Andrik Langfield

Though it seems like a million years ago, in March, when the world began to shift due to COVID-19, Raúl and I were debating about whether to try to move our ticket dates up to get out of Honduras before they closed the borders. Our tickets weren't until the end of April. I tried to call the Delta phone lines on more than one occasion, and the wait times just to talk to a live person were astronomical. I don't make a lot of decisions lightly, and there were a lot of factors at play. I kept agonizing over the decision and praying about it and talking to Raúl about it. As I was seeking the Lord, several verses popped up, but one that stuck out was from Esther 4:14:

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?

Around the same time that I was reading that verse and coming to a sense of peace about staying in Honduras, the decision was made for us as it was announced that the borders were closed. 

Some other versions of that verse mention "and for this very purpose." We as readers can now look back and conclude somewhat definitively that, of course, God allowed Esther to become queen so that she would be able to find favor with the king and rescue the Jews. (Not that He couldn't have intervened in another way if she had chosen not to.) But, for her, in the moment, those two concepts wouldn't have necessarily connected immediately. She was born in a time when the Jews were in captivity. Her race would have been seen as lesser than those of the women she was ultimately competing with in order to become queen. She was an orphan. While she was raised by a wise father figure, we can't be sure that she felt wanted or full of purpose just given the circumstances she was born into. There was probably some bewilderment and denial about becoming queen at all. And, surely, the impostor syndrome had to be strong just because she couldn't tell anyone who she really was. There had to be a sneaking suspicion that if the king and the people around her knew who she really was that she would be rejected. If she felt astounded that the king would choose her, it must have felt like a foreign concept to think that God would choose her for such a weighty, urgent task. I'm speculating here, but this is the context I think about to find compassion for Esther. She was risking herself physically in body, emotionally in being vulnerably exposed and rejected, and spiritually in the question of what if Mordecai, her uncle, was wrong and God hadn't chosen her for this task? How could she be sure that God would save her and back her? She couldn't. She had to take the risk. 

That has been the difficulty of this decision with staying in Honduras for us as well. We couldn't be sure of anything--sure of finances to cover us in unsure time, sure that we wouldn't get sick or would have adequate medical treatment if we did, sure that we actually had a purpose for which God was asking us to stay. We're still unsure as to how all of this is going to affect Raúl's immigration situation. Yet, thus far, the risk has been so worth it in the ways we've been able to care for those around us, to see needs that may have been overlooked by others or would have been hard to meet from the States. 

However, the staying and making ourselves available for such a time as this hasn't just been for the benefit of others. It's also been for us. I'm sure the complete results of this time of extended lockdown won't be fully revealed until the future, but I know that steady growth as continued. Good communication and conflict resolution have emerged. We've processed hard emotions together and given each other safe spaces to be. 

Perhaps, the most telling indicator that God has been ordaining my time arose once again through this verse after being accepted into grad school. If it weren't for being stuck at home, we wouldn't have been able to administrate and save as we have. If it weren't for that seed money and for the nudge from the Holy Spirit to attend another info night, grad school wouldn't have been on my radar at all for this season. If I would have been in the US, I wouldn't have even thought about it. If it weren't for COVID-19, the first class for my master's would've required a trip to California which would have incurred its own costs in airfare and the like. When I received my acceptance e-mail letting me know details about this first class in the form of a conference, it talked about how the Townsend Institute likes to find a verse to center their conferences around each year. What was their verse for this conference? You guessed it...for such a time as this.

When I look back over my life, I can see how perfectly orchestrated my time was and how He kept me on track even in the midst of my own avoidance or blunders. While the waiting in so many seasons has been excruciating, oftentimes, the fruit has been so sweet. In some cases, there are still harvests I'm waiting for. Sometimes, I can feel like that orphan Esther who wants so desperately to be picked for a special purpose but feels terrified and inadequate when it actually happens. I can get tired in the seasons of slowness and preparation wondering if there's a point to all of this, but in the blink of an eye, all circumstances can change, and it can all make sense. This is one of my favorite aspects of God's character--He's a great writer. He's a master at foreshadowing. He sets up a plot line like no other author I've seen. He is so focused on character development that He doesn't mind the stretching of His children because He knows the payoff will be huge. 

As we all may be lamenting how crazy this year has been--how it has simultaneously flown by and also dragged on and on--we can take courage and heart in that our time is divinely ordained by His hands. None of our circumstances or longing or grieving is news to Him. He isn't the kind of Author who doesn't finish a work that He's started. While we may be stretched in the times of coronavirus beyond what any of us thought possible, there is a time line, a plot, and a payoff in the works. This isn't time wasted. This is a time to dig deep, to respond to the invitation to grow in whatever way is possible, and to emerge prepared for the next plot twist. Each of us has been chosen for such a time as this within our own neighborhoods and spheres of influence. In times of crisis, there is an invitation to pivot, to innovate, and to find new creativity to problem solve. In times of slowness, there is an invitation to stillness, to listening, to intentionality in growth. Oddly enough, we find ourselves in both of these times. May we use it well, and may we also operate in the freedom and confidence that in the midst of our frailty, He is still writing a story with a glorious ending.