Bittersweet: December 2020 Recap
As the title alludes to, this month my pendulum swung so many times between deep gratitude and grief. I feel so blessed and undeserving of my health and the health of my loved ones when so many have experienced loss. And I found myself crying many times over news stories of doctors and nurses pleading with people to wear masks and talking about the trauma they're experiencing or over interviews with people who lost mothers, fathers, and siblings. I was so grateful to be able to spend time with my immediate family and share a Christmas meal together, but I was also saddened that I didn't see my brother at all in 2020 and that I have no idea when I'll see him and my sister-in-law again because they made the tough decision to keep people safe by not traveling. I spent so much of 2020 battling the anxiety of being so far away from my family and not knowing what could happen to them or me and when I would see them again that I feel humbled and just speechless by God's providence that I was able to see them for the holidays. At the same time, I'm already grieving leaving them and having to face the reality that I'm about to enter round two of keeping those same anxieties at bay. None of us are promised tomorrow, and all the emotions and purpose and anxiety that come with that realization are valid. So, I'm drinking up my last days with my family and leaning into the purpose of each present day--a habit I will have to continue to do once back in Honduras.
What I Ate:
1) Spinach macaroni and cheese. This meal was born of a need to whip up something quick and use what I had on hand. We had a whole pack of spinach that was on its way out, so why not sneak in some vegetables to a comfort food? I made the noodles, sautéed the spinach separately with some garlic and onion, and made a roux with whatever white cheese we had on hand (mozzarella and parmesan). Any mac and cheese is benefited by adding some dried mustard to add some acid that can cut the fat a little bit. I also added chili powder. This recipe that I used for reference, https://www.howsweeteats.com/2020/03/spinach-mac-and-cheese/ , bakes the mac and cheese with a bread crumb topping. You can certainly do that, but I'm often lazy and skip that added step because I just want to get food on the table. It was just as good without baking in my personal opinion. 
(This is a stock photo and not a photo of my cookies.)
2) Levain Bakery Copycat Chocolate Chip Cookies. I had never heard of Levain Bakery before stumbling on this recipe, so that wasn't really the draw for me. Apparently, Levain is a famous bakery in New York City. This is the second chocolate chip cookie recipe that I've tried this year. Previously, my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe included cream cheese, but that's not really a traditional recipe. My family doesn't really have a go-to recipe, so earlier in the year, I tried a Tasty recipe that ended up disappointing. It all depends on what kind of cookie you like. If you like thin, sandy, somewhat chewy, somewhat hard cookies with a lot of chocolate chips, that recipe may be for you. But, that's not my preferred cookie. This recipe was awesome for my tastes. The cookies are big (but don't have to be). The ratio of dough to chip is just right. And the texture is soft and cakey. I did not add walnuts though they could be a nice edition if you're into that sort of thing. Here is the recipe: https://www.modernhoney.com/levain-bakery-chocolate-chip-crush-cookies/ If you're a fan of chocolate chip cookies, it's a recipe worth trying.
Photo by Larry White
3) Prime Rib. In my family, we're pretty traditional for Thanksgiving dinner, but Christmas dinner is open for some twists. We've done a Mexican-inspired dinner before. We've varied our protein. This year, I wanted to do something different--a cut of beef. I initially had thought about doing a beef tenderloin, but by the time I made it to the grocery store, pretty much all that was left was prime rib. So I went with it. I brought the roast to room temperature for four hours and salted it. This is a tip I learned from Samin Nosrat--salt your meat beforehand and let it sit at room temperature so that the meat absorbs the salt. Before I put in it the oven, I mixed up some olive oil with some chopped herbs, grated garlic, more salt, and cracked pepper and slathered that over the meat. From there, I followed this recipe for cooking: https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/prime_rib/ It turned out to be really delicious. 
Photo by Dex Ezequiel
4) Chocolate Pie. I hadn't had a chocolate pie probably since childhood and just wanted to try something new as a dessert for Christmas. This pie is VERY rich, but if you're into chocolate, it's also pretty good. I cheated by using a pre-made pie crust. I cut the sugar slightly and used a mixed of dark chocolate and milk chocolate chips because that's what I had. Here is the recipe:
https://www.hersheys.com/kitchens/en_us/recipes/hersheys-gone-to-heaven-chocolate-pie.html We topped our pie with Cool Whip and some leftover chocolate chips. 
Photo by Rebecca Humann
5) Instant Pot Spinach Artichoke Dip. Living in Honduras, my counter space is extremely limited aka almost nonexistent. Appliances--especially trendy ones--can also be expensive. So, I'm pretty basic and do a lot the longhand way. But, my mom has an Instant Pot that she loves, so when I'm Stateside, I get to play with recipes that use Instant Pots. Because my mom wanted an assignment for Christmas food, and she's got better experience with using an Instant Pot, she took the reins on this one. This recipe is VERY cheesy, so I recommend keeping it warm in the Instant Pot, so it doesn't coagulate. You can always thin it out with more chicken broth as well. This is the recipe we used: https://www.adventuresofanurse.com/instant-pot-artichoke-and-spinach-dip-applebees-copycat/
We doubled the amount of artichoke hearts and also cut the amount of parmesan cheese in half to add some grated pepperjack cheese.
6) Soy Sauce Zucchini. We had a bunch of zucchini that needed used up, so my dad suggested this since my great aunt used to make it. It's easy and for a vegetable that pretty much takes on whatever flavor you stick with it, it was good! I cut the zucchini in spears and sautéed them in some salt, pepper, olive oil, and soy sauce.
7) General Tso Meatballs. Given the Asian flavor of the above, I decided to make some rice and Asian-flavored meatballs to go with the zucchini spears. Here are some recipes for reference:
https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a58552/general-tso-meatballs-recipe/
https://lifemadesimplebakes.com/sticky-asian-meatballs/
I used ground beef, panko, freshly grated ginger, green onion, one egg, grated garlic, red pepper flakes, salt, pepper, and soy sauce for the meatballs. The really important kicker for these that I had never seen in a recipe before was the roll the meatballs in cornstarch before frying them. The cornstarch helps the sauce thicken and stick to the meatball. For the sauce, I mixed up some chicken broth, soy sauce, rice vinegar, honey, and teriyaki sauce (because I didn't have hoisin sauce), along with some more grated garlic and ginger. These were the kind of meatball that you keep picking out of the pan with your fingers to eat every time you pass by the stovetop before you even get the meal on the table.
What I Watched:
1) The Holiday Movies That Made Us - Elf Episode. I'm specifically mentioning this one episode of the two in this Netflix show because I've never seen the Nightmare before Christmas and didn't feel compelled to watch the making of episode as a result. My family likes Elf, and it was so much fun to learn how much Will Ferrell ad-libbed on the streets of New York, how they had to use forced perspective to make the North Pole scenes, and how a bunch of "nobodies" made a new Christmas classic. Any time I get a glimpse into the behind the scenes effort that went into something, it makes me appreciate the ending product so much more.
2) The Mandalorian. Last year and this year, this show came out right as I was coming to the States. This year, my family waited a couple weeks to start it with me, and it soon became our Friday night routine to watch it together. We are big Star Wars fans at my house while Raúl is marginally interested, but even he stuck around the living room to watch what he called the "green baby cat" aka Baby Yoda. This season was just as good as last season, and I loved the character development we got to see in Mando and in The Child. The ending was epic and gave greater levity to how the show ties into the overall timeline and Star Wars world. I will be interested to see where they take it from here.
3) Soul. First of all, let me say that it is astounding how far animation has come even just in my lifetime. The visual creativity and attention to detail in this film is captivating, and the premise was so unique and original. Like Inside Out, it tackles deep questions and concepts in poignant, funny ways that both children and adults can appreciate. In a time where many people are already wrestling existential questions, it was a timely release with an important message. The movie follows a struggling musician who is wrestling the gap between his dreams and his day job when an untimely accident occurs. His relationship with a rebellious soul who has yet to experience earth is what brings him clarity of meaning.
What I Read:
From Amazon
1) Bending Time: Accessing Heavenly Realities for Abundant Living by Dan McCollam.
This book is very small, but the premise was pretty revolutionary. It looks specifically at the ways that God altered time in the Bible and our relationship with time. Oftentimes, we see time as our enemy, as something we're constantly losing or wasting. This book challenges people to see time as a gift and as something that we can partner with from the authority that God gives us. He talks about consciously stepping into God's presence to make the most of our time. He also examines how our relationships, prayer, joy, and purpose can also contribute to making the most of our time. It's a book I was glad to read right before the New Year, and it's one I will carry with me as I navigate 2021.
"When you are moving within the borders of your primary purpose and calling, your productivity within the normal boundaries of time greatly increases. The effects of your labor are maximized within the area of your greatest purpose, and this bends and redeems time."
From Amazon
I had never read a Jeff Goins book, but it was free on Kindle Unlimited, so I gave it a shot. There is a specific genre of books written by online entrepreneurs all about how they became online entrepreneurs that honestly tend to read exactly the same and can feel like a cash grab. I won't lie--there were some elements of that in this. But, I am especially drawn by story rather than formulas and self-help lists, and this book incorporated a lot of stories of people and the way that they discovering their passions and purpose. There were also a few nuggets of wisdom that I felt like I hadn't read elsewhere in this same genre. Here is the quote that stood out to me:
"Every calling is marked by a season of insignificance, a period when nothing seems to make sense. This is a time of wandering in the wilderness, when you feel alone and misunderstood. To the outsider, such a time looks like failure, as if you are grasping at air or simply wasting time. But the reality is this is the most important experience a person can have if they make the most of it."
From Amazon
I decided to read this book because I listen to the Popcast with Knox and Jamie where they talk about a variety of topics related to pop culture and life's eccentricities. While I don't agree with all of Knox's conclusions in the things he has reconsidered, as someone who is always wanting to ask myself the deep questions, I appreciated his premise. Reconsidering the things we've always believed and taking the time to unpack why we believe the things we believe, I think, is a major element of humility. It's also a way of letting God possibly be Himself with us rather than relying only on the God we've built with our assumptions. Many of the things Knox reconsiders are humorous, and I also appreciate his quirky footnotes scattered throughout the book. But, he also asks some good questions about faith. Here are some quotes I noted in my journal:
"I'm constantly motivated not by the thing I'm doing but by the fear of not being competent."
"At different points, the act of participating in ministry within a church took priority over a deeper, more necessary process of thinking and feeling and, most of all, experiencing our faith."
My word going forward into 2021 is "time." The questions I am asking myself all relate to how I can use the most of this time of quarantine and self-imposed lockdown. How can I make time my friend rather than feel like it's my enemy? How can I enter 2021 with the confidence that this too shall pass and that this time is not wasted? How can I live my life each day in a way I can be proud of once we emerge on the other side of crisis? I don't know what word or words are resonating with you as we begin a new year, but my prayer is that resilience would be our greatest ally. One of my professors recently told me, "The obstacle is the way out." I pray that we would see this time as an opportunity to innovate and create rather than merely mitigate threat defensively. I pray that we would see our world and our lives with a clarity of purpose that we've never had before. I pray that we would fight for our relationships even if maintaining them has to utilize some creativity. I pray that we would allow ourselves to vulnerably face our realities and to bring them before the Lord with the confidence of a child rather than hiding behind denial. I pray that we remember that in 2020 we learned that our drive for success or even passion cannot supplant our need to live and love each day well, that we would remember who we found we are when we were forced to stop doing. I pray we embrace the season we find ourselves in, remembering that God led Jesus to the desert because there was purpose there too. I pray that we would experience our faith in unexpected ways outside of our constructed boxes and that we would embrace the bittersweet, knowing that we can only experience the Christ who suffered when we are willing to sit with others in suffering as He did.
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