May 2021 Roundup and Recap
Blogging in the month of May was pretty much an epic fail. I'd sit down to write but couldn't get a handle on what I was feeling or learning enough to know how to verbalize it. Then, before I knew it, another week had passed. So, this is the roundup of all the posts I would have done in the month of May. 
God's Promises: He Cares about Our Needs
Let's start with God's promise to me (and to all of us) that reverberated in ways I couldn't even put my finger on. One of the things we're talking about in my counseling class is how receiving empathy and kindness and understanding can actually lead to a person feeling pain, grief, or anxiety. It seems counterintuitive, but that disarming of our defenses, and the warmth that spreads over our soul can feel too overwhelming at times. Growing up, if I came home from school upset, I could hold it together without crying until my dad put his hand on my shoulder or gave me a hug. Then all bets were off and the tears would come. Receiving compassion that I wasn't even willing to extend to myself was painful at times. The release of those emotions was healthy and needed, but I had (and still have) a tendency to fight it like a toddler fights sleep. That was my issue in writing this post--not that I could name it in the moment. I am used to being the responsible one. This season of life has had a lot to carry, but even more so, there are a lot of unknowns on the horizon that I don't know how to prepare for. On my bad days, I feel snippy, overwhelmed, and anxiety-ridden. On my good days, "The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything I need" becomes my anthem. The thing about that verse is that it is meant to meet us in our need today. We can trust that we will have everything we need when we need it in the future, but we don't always (or often) get the luxury of knowing what we will need or how that need will be met ahead of time. I can tend to think that security comes from planning and preparation. In reality, that's just a placebo that doesn't actually mean anything. The times in my life when God has made Himself so real and faithful to me have been when I didn't know how to prepare and still had everything that I needed or when my preparation wasn't good enough, but His provision made miracles happen anyway. I can buy into the myth that it all depends on me, that I have to cover all of the bases, or it will all go sideways. But here's the truth and promise of God for us all:
“What is the value of your soul to God? Could your worth be defined by any amount of money? God doesn’t abandon or forget even the small sparrow he has made. How then could he forget or abandon you? What about the seemingly minor issues of your life? Do they matter to God? Of course they do! So you never need to worry, for you are more valuable to God than anything else in this world. . .
Jesus taught his disciples, saying, “Listen to me. Never let anxiety enter your hearts. Never worry about any of your needs, such as food or clothing. For your life is infinitely more than just the food you eat or the clothing you wear. Take the carefree birds as your example. Do you ever see them worry? They neither grow their own food nor put it in a storehouse for later. Yet God takes care of every one of them, feeding each of them out of the abundance of his love and goodness. Isn’t your life more precious to God than a bird? Be carefree in the care of God!
“Does worry add anything to your life? Can it add one more year, or even one day? So if worrying adds nothing, but actually subtracts from your life, why would you worry about God’s care of you?
“Think about the lilies. They grow and become beautiful, not because they work hard or strive to clothe themselves. Yet not even Solomon, wearing his kingly garments of splendor, could be compared to a field of lilies. If God can clothe the fields and meadows with grass and flowers, can he not clothe you as well, O struggling one with so many doubts? I repeat: Don’t let worry enter your life. Live above the anxious cares about your personal needs. People everywhere seem to worry about making a living, but your heavenly Father knows your every need and will take care of you. As you passionately seek his kingdom, above all else, he will supply your needs. So don’t ever be afraid, dearest friends! Your loving Father joyously gives you his kingdom with all its promises!
-- Luke 12: 6-7, 22-32, The Passion Translation
Oftentimes, I think I tend to read those words about not worrying with a tone of judgment and lapse into a shameful "yeah, I shouldn't" with downcast eyes and hunched shoulders. But, I think the tone (especially as it reads in this translation) is one of such compassion, the kind that we fight and avoid because it hurts to receive. Can we believe that God loves us enough to care about our daily needs? Can we receive His love as it manifests in provision? Can we trust Him enough to rest in His goodness? What impedes that? How often is worry a defense mechanism for not wanting to feel the pain that comes with being loved so beyond our own merit and comprehension? I think it must be often for me, but I am so grateful that He continues to pursue me, provide for me, lavish His love on Me even when I don't know how to receive it.
What I Learned Spring 2021:
Photo by Thijs Kennis
1) According to research done by Brené Brown, the most compassionate people also have the healthiest and strongest boundaries. Genuine compassion isn't born of pressure or obligation. It has to be freely-given and experienced. Furthermore, a helpful way to develop better boundaries can actually be visualizing a specific boundary in a relationship or circumstance. Is a boundary made of a solid stone wall needed? Or is more of a picket fence with an easily opened gate?
2) Duckbill platypus babies are called puggles. This is one of those things that maybe I randomly learned before but forgot, but either way, super cute.
3) According to Pete Greig's book, God on Mute, 5% of Holocaust survivors abandoned atheism to believe in God during the Holocaust. I'm still letting this one sink in for the volumes it speaks.
4) Barristers (aka lawyers) still wear wigs in the UK. The tendency originated long ago by Louis XIV of France, but it continues to be a tradition today. It was only in 2007 that the laws changed to allow wigs to be abandoned for civil or family court proceedings in the Supreme Court of the UK. They are mainly used to honor historical tradition and to portray a sense of formality. I think if I were in a court proceeding where lawyers were wearing wigs, I might have trouble not getting the giggles or feeling like I was in an SNL skit. But, to each their own. 
5) Enchiladas require corn tortillas. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The only exception might be if the flour tortillas are handmade, excellent quality, but overall, Mexican-style enchiladas always turn into a gummy, unappetizing mess when I use flour tortillas. 
Photo by Kelly Sikkema
6) I am stronger than I think I am. A month ago, I decided to start Sydney Cummings' Summertime Fine 3.0 program on YouTube. It's just a daily workout video that she posts as part of an overarching fitness plan that runs for 3 months. While I have missed a day or two here and there, I have kept up with exercising consistently for a month. It used to be that my go-to exercise would just be running. Sydney's approach mainly involves High-Intensity Interval Training, exercises with body weight or hand weights, and the occasional pilates or yoga workout. It's a totally different approach to exercise than what I'm used to, but I love how strong it has made me feel.
The Month That Flew By: May 2021 Recap
I don't know what it was about May, but it just seemed to fly by. We had plenty of memorable things like Raul's and my birthdays, good conversations, and good food. But there was also a lot of overwhelm and full planner pages. All in all, June so far has forged ahead with as equally as fast a pace but also some valuable reflection and moments of the Holy Spirit breaking in on my defense mechanisms in unexpected moments.
What I Read:
1) The Actor's Life: A Survival Guide by Jenna Fischer (Audiobook). Let me be honest--I am such a visual learner that the only audiobooks I can actually tolerate are light-hearted and usually celebrity memoirs because I can enjoy it in the moment but don't feel bad about not retaining most of it. This book actually is a handbook for those striving for an acting career, so there was a lot of technical info. As someone who does not aspire to be an actor, some of it was a little boring, but a lot of it was interesting. It's fascinating how much perseverance actors have to have in an ever-evolving industry. Knowing the inner workings gives a depth to the value of the entertainment I watch. The aspects of acting that involve developing empathy for characters or how involved body posture and movement can be was actually really interesting to consider in terms of experiential counseling as well. I also really enjoyed listening to Jenna Fischer's stories from the set of the The Office.
2) Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. I love Brené Brown's research and her writing style. Her message is so easily received by the authenticity of her voice and her self-disclosure. This book had so many important, timely messages for my life including choosing to believe that others are doing the best that they can, rumbling with what our shame triggers are, and the ways that our everyday lives and leadership can be affected by our shame triggers. It's really an excellent book, and one that I will definitely refer back to over and over again. Come for her incredible insight and stay for her heart-warming and hilarious stories! Here is a truth so worth recognizing from this book:
"It often takes just a single brave person to change the trajectory of a family or of any system, for that matter."
3) Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships by Dr. Curt Thompson. I first became acquainted with Dr. Curt Thompson when he was a guest speaker at a conference held by my counseling master's program. He struck as one of the most intelligent people I've ever heard speak. So many tidbits from that very short lecture have stuck with me. This book was one that took me a while to digest, but it was so fascinating to see interpersonal neurobiology and aspects of neuroscience be explored in relation to how we connect with God and others. I think neuroscience is so interesting and always leads me to greater faith in my Creator, and this book takes very lofty concepts and puts them into practical, applicable terms. Here are some quotations that stuck out to me:
"How well am I paying attention to what I am paying attention to?"
"In short, life is fundamentally about emotion. If you do not attune to it, you will eventually respond to it anyway, but in forms of thought, feeling, and behavior that bring you closer to shame than to glory."
4) A Rule Against Murder by Louise Penny. In this next book in the Inspector Gamache series, the setting shifts to a vacation spot that Inspector Gamache and his wife frequent as they are celebrating their anniversary with a getaway. However, an unexpected murder of a fellow guest takes place, and Gamache is thrown into an investigation that involves some unlikely characters Gamache already knows. Penny always does such a great job of rabbit trailing the reader in various directions of different suspects and still catching the reader off-guard with the real culprit. This book delved more into Gamache's history and the development of some beloved characters. Though it does not take place in Three Pines, the characters in this offering are still unique as all of the suspects center around one dysfunctional, wealthy family and the staff of the hotel where the murder takes place.
What I Ate:
1) Pepper's Pork-Stuffed Cucumber Soup. This recipe is very out of the ordinary and appeared in Chrissy Teigen's cookbook, Cravings. I had never had a cooked cucumber before. My husband really liked this soup. It is incredibly light because the broth is light and because of the water content of the cucumbers. It's worth trying if you just want something different. I think I might consider making it with zucchini instead of cucumber and adding some more ingredients to make the flavors a bit more complex. Here is the recipe from the cookbook:
http://yesanother.com/2016/04/14/comfort-in-a-bowl-pork-stuffed-cucumber-soup/
Photo by Jeremy Zero
2) Olive Tapenade. I've loved olives since I was a kid. Surprisingly enough, I had never made olive tapenade before. This recipe is easy and full of salty, briny goodness. You can eat the tapenade with chips or crackers or as a spread on a sandwich or toast. Here is a quick and easy recipe:
https://cookieandkate.com/easy-tapenade-recipe/
3) Veggie Sandwich. Many, many years ago, when I was road tripping through the US, I tried a veggie sandwich in Austin, Texas that I still think about sometimes. I think that a great veggie sandwich has a variety of vegetables, good bread that can hold up to some sogginess, and some great sauces or spreads. This veggie sandwich had Romesco sauce, olive tapenade, a sauteed portobello mushroom, some roasted cherry tomatoes, roasted eggplant, fresh basil and arugula, and melted pepperjack and mozzarella cheeses. It was very flavorful and delicious.
4) Skillet Chicken Thighs with Green Beans and Mushrooms. This dish was slightly reminiscent of homemade green bean casserole just because of its creaminess and the presence of mushrooms and green beans. It has one or two more steps than needed, but overall, it made for a great meal that wasn't too terribly time-consuming to make. Here's the recipe:
https://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/skillet-chicken-thighs-with-green-beans-and-mushrooms/03bf97a5-1fad-4e95-8645-a7b635f98bf4
Photo by Dilyara Garifullina
5) Tandoori Chicken and Cauliflower Sheet Pan Dinner with Raita. So good, so quick, so easy. I did add a tandoori spice blend for a little extra kick at the end, but for the most part, I followed the below recipes:
https://themodernproper.com/tandoori-chicken-and-cauliflower-sheet-pan-dinner
https://themodernproper.com/easy-raita
6) Chicken Stew with Cannellini Beans and Dried Cherries. Don't let the name of this recipe throw you off. It was really good. I know that these ingredients seem like they wouldn't go together, but they really do. I did not have dried cherries, so I used dried cranberries. I will also mention to be sure that you make the croutons. They add so much to the texture of the stew and make it much heartier. Sambal oelek is an Indonesian hot sauce that you can probably find in the Asian section of a grocery store or an Asian market. Raúl loves it and would happily add it to anything.
https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/chicken-stew-with-cannellini-beans-and-dried-cherries
7) Chipotle Pork with Jalapeño Sauce and Cheddar Polenta. This meal that I served with a vegetable--I believe zucchini?--was a great change and actually pretty easy. I rubbed a pork loin with salt, black pepper, cumin, ground oregano, chili powder, paprika, and ground chipotle before baking it in the oven. You really can't skimp on that ground chipotle powder because that what gives it the best smoky flavor. For the polenta, I just followed the recipe on the box and added some cheddar cheese at the end. The jalapeño sauce recipe is here:
https://www.chilipeppermadness.com/recipes/creamy-jalapeno-sauce/
8) Coq au Vin. This dish had long been on my list to make, and it really didn't disappoint. I'll probably make a cultural faux pas in saying this, but it's basically the flavor profile of beef bourguignon but with chicken. It also takes a lot less time to cook. Here is the recipe I used:
https://themodernproper.com/coq-au-vin
I used portobello mushrooms instead of criminis. I also did not add the bacon back in after getting that needed fat to cook with. You can also use a different kind of wine if need be. Maybe it changes the flavor, but we work with what we have, right?
What I Watched:
1) Radioactive. This movie stars Rosamund Pike as Marie Curie. Beyond what you learn in history or science classes, I didn't know a whole lot about Marie Curie. It was really special to watch her story come to life and recognize how much her tenacity and dedication (especially as a woman in an era where women were a rare sight in scientific communities or endeavors) contributed so much to modern science and health today. The cinematography also had some really creative elements as well.
2) Dante's Peak. For whatever reason, I used to like this movie as a kid. It stars Pierce Brosnan and is about a volcanic eruption in a small town. I think I was just fascinated in general with natural disasters since I also liked the movie Twister. This recently was added to Netflix here, so I watched it. It doesn't necessarily hold up as well as it did in my younger years, but I still enjoyed it.
Favorites:
1) Legs up the wall pose. Homework and reading have meant a lot of sitting. One of the helpful ways I am finding to both combat lower body stiffness and just be relaxed in to lay with my legs up a wall for a bit. It stretches everything out after hours of sitting.
2) Picking blackberries at a blackberry farm. Raúl's work schedule has ben crazy for the last six months, so it's been rare that we've had the time to do anything together outside of the house. This was a lovely change of pace and a sweet time breathing in some fresh, mountain air. We picked blackberries, ate some pizza, and just enjoyed our surroundings. As always, my husband can't take a normal picture.
3) "Space" by Mack Brock and Amanda Cook. I listened to this song on my birthday, and it was the perfect start to leaning into a new age and season where I want to feel fully welcoming to come as I am.
June is already shaping up to be a whirlwind for us with preparing to travel, but I am trying to also have moments to breathe, to reflect, to receive God's grace and love and to come as I am. May we all find moments to just be with the Lord. May we be able to rest in His provision and detailed care for us each day. May we learn to receive of His goodness with open hearts and open hands. May we develop healthy boundaries, so we can give whole-hearted compassion. And may we find that we are stronger than we first expected in His strength and stamina.
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