An Interview with a Special Guest
As a disclaimer, I am not very comfortable with video media mainly since I have no experience with it, so please excuse my weirdness! 😆😄
Our special guest today is Esthefanny. I will have known her for six years in February. I met her through her brother Josuan, who I met via a government-run home for at-risk teenage boys. When I started taking Josuan to church, Stef wanted to come along as well, and that's how things started. When Josuan went back to the streets the very first time (that eventually led to his being in my care), I was surprised one evening by a text message conversation with Stef. When we'd been around each other in person, while I always wanted to be supportive and connect with her, I had felt like I was doing a miserable job. But for the grace of God and the movement of the Holy Spirit...that texting conversation changed everything. From that point on, Stef was my girl. We've had some rough seasons and have walked many hard roads together. We've also had a lot of uncomfortable and direct conversations. But to this day, when I think of ministry in Honduras, she is the person who most encourages me and gives me hope that my life here does have a purpose. When she and I met, she was holding on to so much pain, was struggling to find her place of refuge in the world, and was walking a road that could have easily gone to many destructive destinations. Now, after years of just walking closely with Jesus, her reputation in her church and neighborhood is as a spunky girl who is mature and known for giving good advice to others. I am joyful to say that after she came to Jesus, she soon became a witness and example to her whole household. Now, her mother serves Jesus and her household and family have changed because of what God started in her. She's one of my favorite people in the world to spend time with, and as she is one of our sponsored students this year, I felt it only appropriate to invite her to be interviewed in this space. If you want to see the full interview, feel free to check out the link. In this space, I'm going to keep her answers in English and also edit out our ums and filler words while still staying true to her answers and story. I may also add in a hindsight thought of my own to explain some of her answers more in-depth. I will indicate those in bold print. Thanks for joining us in this space today!
Without further ado, I present our guest today, Esthefany Espinoza.
Sarah: Would you like to give an opening greeting?
Stef: Hello! I am very happy and content and I give thanks to God for this moment that I believe will be for great benefit and blessing for me as well as each one of you.
Sarah: To start, would you tell me your age and where you are from?
Stef: I am 19-years-old. (She is actually still 18. She won't be legally 19 until later this year, but Hondurans often have the habit of rounding up. She was mortified that she misspoke, so I figured I'll correct that now.) I am from Tegucigalpa. (which is the capital of Honduras)
Sarah: Could you share how you and I met?
Stef: We met through my brother. It was a day where we went to church, and that was the first time that I met her.
Sarah: Could you describe your childhood and your family?
Stef: It's been difficult, but in one way or another, it's also been a learning experience. I grew up in the same house where I still live now with my parents. My mom was always attentive to my needs especially economically, but there were moments in my childhood when I was growing that I needed advice and had empty places like we often hide inside of ourselves. There were also some moments that marked my childhood--good and bad. But I have decided to stick with the good ones. She also grew up with an older sister and two older brothers in the same house, while Josuan (who is also older) grew up living with his paternal grandmother. Stef's mom is a live wire who is protective of her baby (Stef), and her stepdad is a gem who has treated her like his own daughter from a very young age.
Sarah: Could you describe for us where you've grown up, mainly since a lot of people who read haven't seen Honduras and don't know what it's like to grow up in Honduras?
Stef: [I grew up in] Villa Nueva. The place where I grew up has been denigrated, with a bad reputation. It's been a place that could be considered of a bad influence. But it's been nice because it's also taught us a lot since we know that we're light in the middle of dark places. One of the characteristics of this place is that there are a lot of young people, and we can share the Gospel of the Lord. Villa Nueva often has a reputation for being a dangerous place, but like many places in Honduras, it's all in who you know and how you carry yourself. If you know someone within some of these marginalized neighborhoods who is of a good reputation, you usually won't run into any trouble.
Sarah: Do you have any memory of your childhood or adolescence that you'd like to share?
Stef: Since I was young, I always played with my brother. His name is Jan Carlos. One of the things I most enjoyed about my childhood was that we always played on the patio of our house. We made little houses with towels and curtains, things that my mom had laying around. We climbed the tall trees and picked our neighbor's mangos. He taught me that one of the things we can most enjoy in life is our childhood. I've also learned to have good communication within family and among siblings.
Sarah: How is your life different now than from when I met you?
Stef: Everything has changed. Definitely my life has had a huge turn. When I met you, I was a girl full of doubts, fears, and a lot of pain. One of the blessings that God has given me in all of these years was meeting you. There are many things about myself that have changed since meeting you. And in a lot of the difficulties that have happened, that has been something that has made me strong and reminded me that it's all worth it. A lot of processes of forgiveness and inner healing have happened, physical internal healing. Things that weren't easy for me for many years, but I can see that God has done that work in my life. And now, I feel I am a mature person in certain aspects of my life, but God has changed me in a such a way that I never imagined. Now I look at myself and ask, "When did God do this in my life?" He's taught me how to move forward in processes when I haven't had someone else to help me. He's taught me patience and love and to know that He is the only One who can fill all of the voids we have inside.
Sarah: What is a normal day like for you?
Stef: I get up. I go to university. I study in the morning until 11 am then I go home. I do my chores. If I have to study or do homework, I do that. I wash clothes and other activities at home. And now, I'm waiting to start English class here. Stef is also open to working, but finding a job that has the flexibility to also let you study is a great challenge here.
Sarah: Can you describe your education up to this point?
Stef: At the beginning, just like any young person, parents try to give you the best they can. My parents always taught me right from wrong, about how to be respectful. But, a lot of times, we don't take those things seriously in life. But from a 1 to a 10, I'd say I am about an 8.
Sarah: And your formal education?
Stef: It has been very good in high school and university up to this point. They've taught us the importance of an accent or a comma or a punctuation mark, and it's been good in helping my personal life for the future as well as for my professional life. The teachers have been patient, and they've known how to teach well. As my own personal side note, Stef studied primarily in public schools until our ministry helped her to enroll in a private school where she could finish high school early, doing two years in one. She previously struggled a lot with her studies for various reasons, but this past year, she was a model student with excellent consistency in her achievements. For someone who had previously had many difficulties, it's been amazing to see her progress over the last year, and I have full faith in her determination to do her very best in university. Right now, we also have her studying in a private university which is to her benefit since classes are smaller, and it's easier to receive personal attention from instructors. It's also exempt from many of the delays the public university experiences due to ongoing protests.
Sarah: What are your goals and plans for the future?
Stef: I believe that I have a lot of big goals--both short-term and long-term. One of those goals is to graduate from university. I like to study, and I enjoy it a lot. My other goal is to get married, have kids, and have a family. I'd like to have a job, and at some point, I'd like to have a Christian television program to bless people who really need it.
Sarah: What is a difficulty you've had to overcome?
Stef: I've had a lot of things to overcome. But the biggest one was my biological father's absence. More than anything because of physical and psychological damage that he'd left in my heart. It took me many years to be able to overcome that because the damage was constantly in my mind and heart. It took me many years to try to forgive him, knowing that forgiveness isn't really even for the other person but for ourselves to be free in giving it. Today I can say that I have forgiven him, and I know that God can change him and do good things in his life.
Sarah: What is your greatest fear?
Stef: Well, we all have a lot of hidden fears, and one of my fears that has been hard to overcome is to believe that I can do something. It's something that gives me fear because I don't know if I can or not. But sometimes I feel like God launches me immediately, and that moment just comes. Then I don't have options, and I have to do it because I have to do it. And, I've been learning. When I first met Stef, she was so shy, she wouldn't eat in front of people. She had so much potential but had no positive outlet for developing that. The environment she was in at school exposed her to many bad influences. Now, she is a young woman who regularly speaks publicly in her church and in evangelization efforts. She knows how to lead others with compassion and also speak her mind. She's much braver than me in many aspects, and I love that about her. Don't let her quiet demeanor in this interview fool you--she is a go-getter.
Sarah: What role has the church had in your life?
Stef: It's been important in every area of my life--spiritually and in my daily life. The church has taught me that one can give the best to God, from serving a glass of water to cleaning a chair. The first day I ever preached was in church. They gave me the opportunity, and it was a blessing for me to be able to develop the talent that I have. More than anything, it was nice to be able to use what God had placed in my heart. Worship dance is very mainstream in many denominations here. And, learning to worship through dance (in a reverent way) has really developed Stef's confidence and character. She's learned to be free in being herself through worship dance ministry at her church.
Sarah: Just to explain a little bit more, how do you participate in your local church?
Stef: I started serving as an usher. Then I started a bit later in worship dance. I was dancing in the worship dance team for three years, then after that they made me the leader of the youth worship dance team. Right now, I still have that position and that group I am in charge of. I want to make a note here that Stef got more involved at church just out of the desire of her heart not long after she started going there. And, while she is downplaying how much she does at her local church, she has been involved in the worship team and many other leadership situations and is just a faithful shoulder to cry on and someone who is constantly giving advice to other young people. She's one of those people that everyone can count on the most, which also means that she has had to and continues to learn how to have healthy boundaries and carry balance in life. But, truly she is a special part of her church just as her church has been a special part of her life.
Sarah: What are your interests?
Stef: A lot of people have infinite interests! I don't know if this counts as an interest, but some day I'd like to have my own home and things that we need like a car. I don't know. This was my error in using a word that doesn't always carry the same connotation in Spanish as it does in English. She wasn't sure how to answer initially.
Sarah: Or hobbies? How do you like to spend your free time?
Stef: Sometimes, I like to be alone. I like to talk to God a lot. I ask Him crazy things like why God made the ant or what it'd be like if the earth was up and the sky was down. Really talking to God is what I most like to do in my free time. More than anything, it's because I feel like He's real, and He can talk to me through wind or my feelings or my thoughts.
Sarah: Where is your favorite place, or if you don't have one, where is one place you've always wanted to go?
Stef: One of the things I've wanted--well, I've always wanted to travel all over the world, always sharing the Gospel. But something that does interest me is to be able to visit Grandma Kim (my mom). One time I dreamt that I was at her house. And that made me really happy. So, her house would be one of the places I'd most like to visit.
Sarah: What has been one of the things that you've learned lately or what is one of the latest things God has been teaching you?
Stef: God is direct in calling us to Him. And He's been teaching me for more than a year to learn that His timing is perfect. As much as I want to force something, if He says no, it's no. And it's been hard for me because really I have wanted things by force. God always stops me and tells me to calm down. It's been hard for me to learn that, but I am learning.
Sarah: How would you describe your personality?
Stef: Sincere. Always wanting to learn. I feel like I'm transparent when I meet people. I want to have a real personality and be a real friend and a trustworthy person. That is something that makes me happy. I like to know that God is working in that aspect of my life.
Sarah: What gives you self-esteem?
Stef: Knowing that I am capable of doing whatever I set my mind to do. In certain moments, I have felt low, and I've felt like other people are better than me. But I remember that I can, that my value isn't who I am (where I come from) or what I have but what God has placed in my heart. This is what makes me think, "Time to move forward. I can do it!"
Sarah: How did you come to know Jesus?
Stef: I came to know Jesus when we went to Teen Challenge. Teen Challenge is an international, Christian drug rehabilitation program. Years ago, I had several teenage boys that I sponsored in living there. One of those boys was her brother, Josuan. So she and I went every Sunday to visit the boys there. Every Sunday, they would have a church service then we would visit afterward. Like a lot of Honduran Christians, I saw people dancing in the church services and raising their hands and closing their eyes. I asked myself, "How are they doing that? Do they not feel embarrassed?" And from that moment, my curiosity about God started. One day in my house, I remember I couldn't sleep. And there were so many voids in my heart that I told God that same day, I remember that I said, "God I don't know you. I don't know what you're like or how you treat people, but I want to know you." I wanted to feel what others felt--peace, love, happiness. I wanted to be able to dance without embarrassment and lift my hands without embarrassment. And I thought, "I think my only option is to accept You." And that same day, I accepted Jesus as my only Savior. And from then until today, He has always walked with me.
Sarah: What are you spiritual gifts?
Stef: One of the gifts I've been developing and I've been asking God that He'd give to me has been speaking in tongues. One gift that I like and that God has placed in my life is discernment of spirits. God shows me visions. I can see a person and see what is happening with that person. God is direct in showing me what's happening. And deeper things that may be influences from Heaven or influences from hell.
Sarah: Are you interested in ministry?
Stef: Yes, I am! I think I could even see myself serving as a pastor perhaps and to be able to help other people.
Sarah: Is there anything else you'd like to share?
Stef: Nope. Ha ha.
I hope our little interview has given you just a peek into who my girl is and just what a blessing she is to my life. It is my joy to support her in her education and dreams. She makes me so proud. When I was in the midst of having so many boys in Teen Challenge and having Marvin and Josuan living in the house, the needs were overwhelming. It was so hard, as one person, to find time for them all. Because Stef didn't live with me and because her needs often were quieter or less drastic, she sometimes got the short end of the stick in terms of receiving my attention. But, during that time, while I was agonizing that there was not enough of me to go around (and fighting a 10-month battle with H. pylori and weight loss and dizzy spells), God gave me the image of Stef with Jesus. She was holding onto one end of a silk ribbon, and Jesus was holding onto the other end. Sometimes they danced together, and other times she started to run away, but she was held close to Jesus with that ribbon. No matter how far she tried to go, that ribbon kept her connected to Jesus. That image comforted me and gave me the assurance that even in the midst of her battles, God was fighting for her and keeping her close. She herself will tell you that her relationship with God has always been deeply personal and not dependent on anyone else. She is stronger for it.
If you have any questions or comments you'd like to make to Stef, just leave them in the comments, and I'll be sure they reach her!
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