An Interview with Lindsey

Today we have the special privilege of getting to know someone who has become a fixture in my everyday life. She is my dear friend, Lindsey, who was so instrumental in connecting me to the missionary community here in Honduras. And, just last year, we started feeling like we were connected in deep ministerial ways that we are still figuring out and developing together. But, she is the VP of our board for Minsiterio Familia de Promesa, and she’s been a lifeline for me personally. She has lived in Honduras for the past six years, and Raúl and I actually had the privilege of hanging out with her on US soil, meeting her parents, and staying in their home. They are great people! As God has knit our lives together in community, it occurred to me that she is someone that I want my reading community to also feel connected to, so we sat down to have a conversation to share. Enjoy!

Sarah: So I feel like we should start with how we met just because--

Lindsey: Oh! It’s such a good story.

Sarah: It is a good story. So, I was planning my wedding by myself, and of course, if my family would have been here that would have been less stressful. They tried to be helpful from afar, but I didn’t really have a whole lot of support.

Lindsey: There is only so much you can do.

Sarah: Yes, and I came out of that thinking, “Oh Jesus, if I am going to be able to stay in Honduras, I have got to find people who understand me as a North American. And so, I thought, “Well, how can I find North American friends? Because I really didn’t have anyone at that point. So, I went on the Honduran Fellowship of Missionaries and Ministries website, and I was like, “Okay, Jesus, I need a friend, so if you highlight someone for me, I will be brave.” And my brother and I always talk about having this sort of intuition of just observing and knowing. And that’s what it was like for me. That’s what I did—I looked for several hours and at several different profiles because there was page after page after page, and I saw your description of the desire for a coffee shop ministry and community. I can’t remember if worship is on that profile or not.

 Lindsey: It probably wasn’t at the time.

Sarah: So I sent you a message after I had found your blog and read your blog. And thought, “Well, okay, we’ll see.”

Lindsey: I think maybe that blog was just for you, Sarah, because I no longer keep it. I love that. I remember specifically that I got it in the morning or after I had been sleeping? I have this memory of sitting on my bed reading these messages.
Sarah: Oh yeah, it was probably late at night. Most of my impulsive, brave things have to happen late at night.
Lindsey: (laughs) I remember reading everything, and you had mentioned a mutual friend who is also a missionary. So, I thought surely you were fine. I wonder if I still have those messages; that would be interesting. I just felt like it was Jesus. This was not a creepy girl. I think I can trust her, and we went to have coffee. And, even I think after we met it wasn’t instant at least for me.
Sarah: No, we did have a really good first conversation, but we didn’t even talk about worship in the first conversation.
Lindsey: I just remember thinking, “Yeah, I like her.” I think we may have gone several months before we really talked again. But at some point I started seeing you more often. I think it probably really started when you started giving me Spanish lessons. I think that’s when I really started getting to know you, and we started talking about heart stuff and dreams.
Sarah: It was a good start. Ok, so where are you from and what was life like there?
Lindsey: I was born and raised in South Bend, Indiana, which is northern Indiana, just south of the Michigan line. South Bend is pretty spread out, so it kind of crosses into some of the other little towns around there. So I went to school in the next town over. So, South Bend is home, but Mishawaka is the next town over where I did gymnastics and other things. In my mind, it’s the same, but they’re technically two different places. It’s not a big city by any means. South Bend definitely has a downtown area, but a mile south or less from our house is all farmland. It’s a mix—it’s Midwestern mindset everything, which I say that, and I know what I’m talking about. But I don’t know how to express what that really means? I grew up very much as a Christian. I went to a Christian school. I went to church. My family went to church from when I was a baby, so it was very normal for me to be in Christian environments, I guess. I don’t know that I identify myself with my town but more my communities that I was a part of, which were church, gymnastics, and school. I think those really played a part in forming my version of the Midwestern mindset which is you work hard and you love Jesus and you are good and follow the rules. You make wise decisions, but there is a road that you follow that is predictable and safe. You’re going to go to college. That’s not even something that you question. It’s just a matter of when and what. With doing a sport full-time, it was about a lot of hard work and discipline. A lot of—weirdly—gymnastics is all about doing really crazy things and not thinking too hard about it. I am realizing that was counter to what people in my other circles were used to. I wonder if that played into my story of being able to walk to here--

Sarah: A little bit of foreshadowing?

Lindsey: Yeah, it’s interesting. I’m just realizing that. You have to see it first and then you do it. It’s very mental. If you are afraid at all, you can’t do it—at least for me. I couldn’t physically do it if there was any sort of fear. And I do see that played out in my life in other places. If there is an ounce of unknown, and I’m not sure that someone is going to catch me, then I’m really scared to step out into it. But, if I know that my coach is there, I’ll throw it. I think I see that in my story.

Sarah: So how do you go from the Midwest and Indiana to Honduras?

Lindsey: I did not start out thinking about that at all. I definitely had this idea that I’d go to college—I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I was going to study teaching and move back to my town and teach at the Christian school I grew up in because that’s what I knew and was comfortable with. I was going to marry the guy I was dating in high school, and we were going to live in the country with a house with a porch. And, I had no desire to study abroad or go anywhere because of the idea that I needed to be safe. Unknown is not safe. So, I didn’t know anything about other places, and that wasn’t something I wanted to do. I decided to go to a Christian university in Indiana called Taylor University, about two and a half hours from South Bend. They’re very much globally-minded, and I don’t think I realized that and what I was signing up for. They pushed, even freshman year, your first semester you could study in Ireland. And I said, “I’m not doing that. Nope, Mom, don’t worry about it because I’m not doing that.” But every degree had some kind of international culture experience like mission trips, and in chapel, they talked about things that were bigger than South Bend, Indiana.
Sarah: That’s pretty cool.

Lindsey: It is cool, so I was hearing a lot about it. But I thought, “That’s cool for some people, but that’s not going to be for me.” The more you hear it, though, the more you soften to it. My sophomore year we went to the Philippines. The class was a month in the Philippines teaching in a school, but it was with twenty of my friends who were studying education. So, I thought that wouldn’t be so bad because I wouldn’t be alone. We went and did this month-long experience in a very small Christian, bilingual school in the Philippines. I loved the Filipino culture. I loved experiencing the warm culture. If we have cold and warm cultures, cold is like the US, and warm is the very relational—I think the Filipino culture is very similar to Honduras. We saw some historical things, and I loved when the kids would try to teach me their language. But working in the school was really hard because they didn’t have a lot of resources, and it was just one of those things where I was like, “If I did this, I don’t want it to be in a school like this, but I don’t really know what I’m looking for.” I knew it wasn’t that but thought maybe there would be some other possibility. That was in January of my second year of university, and probably as early as February or March a representative from the International School of Tegucigalpa came and spoke at one of our classes. He gave a presentation and talked about the school. The thing that caught my eye was that he emphasized the community of the teachers so well. That was something important to me. I didn’t want to go by myself, and I needed to have support. He said that they did things together and had Bible studies together and lived together. I could see myself in a place like that. But I was a sophomore, so I wasn’t ready to make life decisions at that point. Then Taylor had a program where you could do half of your student teaching internationally and the other half in Indiana to still get your Indiana license Somehow at that point, I had gotten up the courage to think, “I could do that. It’s only two months. I’ve already done one month. I could do this.” I only knew a little bit of Spanish, so I said that if I were going to go somewhere, it needed to be a Spanish-speaking country. They had an option to request a school, but the only international school I had heard of was the International School of Tegucigalpa. I put it on there, and they contacted the school, and they said, “Sure, she can come.” So I did two months of student teaching here. I think I fell in love with the culture, but I think I mainly fell in love with the community first and knew there was a support system for me to enter into. They offered me a job before I left, but I had to go back and finish my degree. I also got involved in CCI, the church I go to, from the very first weekend I was here. That also was a point of connection where I was meeting people outside of the school. I felt like I had found family. At the same time, CCI was going through a move of the Spirit, and that was something I had been learning in college. I remember thinking, “God, You’re doing something in this country, and I want to be a part of it.” So, I left, and everyone said, “You’ll be back.” So I finished my degree and ended up signing a contract here for two years but actually did three as a first grade teacher. That’s how I got here. I feel like my whole story is baby steps. For those big steps, it may have been like, “I would never do that,” but I could do a baby step. So, with Jesus, I thought, “This isn’t so bad; we could do another little step.” Then I look back, and--

Sarah: We have come miles!

Lindsey: (laughs) Yes!

Sarah: So, in becoming a missionary, because you did kind of start out unconventionally with teaching and then transitioning to being a missionary, do you feel like there are benefits to how you sort of came in through the back door to missions? Or could you talk a little about how you ended up in missions?

Lindsey: Well, while I was teaching and even my last couple of years in college, I worked in a coffee shop as my job and loved it. Loved the environment. I loved creating something that people enjoyed. Hospitality—that’s my thing. Also, the relational aspect of it—you get the regulars, and you know what their drink is. They start sharing about their lives and then you know about their kids. It got to the point where people would ask for advice on life things, and I thought, “Why are you asking me? I’m a barista!” Even people who weren’t regulars would just open up about stuff. I got to pray with people. I remember specifically a couple times when people asked me to pray for them, and I remember thinking, “This could be a ministry, and I would love to do this one day.” But I thought, “I’m not a businessperson, Jesus. I’m a teacher. So, if You ever want this to happen, You’re going to have to do something.” It was just this thing that looked impossible to me, but if He wanted to open that door… Between my second and third year of teaching, I feel like He asked me to pray about a coffee shop. Like, “What would this look like, Lindsey, and what would your values be and how would you do this?” I prayed through a bunch of things, so I felt like when I came back I was just supposed to talk about it with people. I did, but I was still teaching. So I went to a women’s retreat for missionaries—and I don’t even know how I got connected to that because I wasn’t a missionary at the time. I ended up sitting across from this missionary woman who asked me, “So if you weren’t teaching, what would you want to do with your life?” So I tell her about the coffee shop idea, and she said, “Well, have you ever heard of Hope Coffee?” It’s a coffee shop in Siguatepeque here in Honduras. She said, “I know the owner, and I bet he would give you an internship. And I live there, so if you did an internship, you could stay at my house.” Totally random.

Sarah: That accelerated real fast!

Lindsey: Yes, and I was like “Whoa! I was kind of just kidding. This is actually a possibility? Are you kidding me?” So I said I had to pray about it. There were also various words at different times that the Lord confirmed things for me. And it was like He said, “Either way—if you stay teaching, I’ll bless you and use you, but if you want to step out into this, I will be there too.” Through my connections at CCI, I knew that the pastors ran a missions organization, and I thought that maybe if they were the ones walking me through this, I could do it. It’s always been about who is doing this with me because I’m not doing it by myself. In the end, I decided after my third year to take the internship. It was a miraculous thing that we even met the owner of Hope Coffee. My roommate and I wanted to go visit Siguatepeque for a few reasons, but the owner was out of town or unavailable. But we still went to have an adventure, and we went to the Hope Coffee shop to check it out. And there was the owner! He said he wasn’t supposed to be there that day, but rain in the dry season changed his plans, and he was available to talk then. He said he’d gladly give me an internship for a couple months. At the end of the school year, I moved there and did three months of an internship and three months of language school there at the same time. After that I went back to the US for fundraising and to share the vision. I don’t know if there were benefits to doing it that way? I think one thing that’s been hard on the other side of that question has been that I grew up with this one idea of what a missionary was. You move to another country. You start a church, or you do a lot of evangelism where people get saved every single day. Things happen quickly. I only read the updates where my dad had gone on mission trips, and our church had sent out various missionaries to Africa. I thought that was every day for a missionary, but it’s not…

Sarah: And not for any missionary anywhere.

Lindsey: And I think that was hard for me because I didn’t realize there were so many options of what a missionary looks like. But I think what was helpful was that I had roots here already and could see the need and how my dream fit in with a need here. Having a support system of community here was really good. I still had community with the school teachers, and my roommate was also doing it with me because we walked through the fundraising process together.

Sarah: Well, God knew what you needed in your baby steps and your people already being prepared for you.
Lindsey: Yes, and the fact that not everything changed. My church stayed the same, and I already knew the city. My friendships stayed the same. There were some stable things in the midst of literally changing my whole career path.

Sarah: What gifts has Honduras and this lifestyle given you?
Lindsey: I have definitely become less type A. Is that a gift? I generally run late everywhere, so I don’t know if that’s a gift.

Sarah: But you’re also probably more flexible since you’ve been here.

Lindsey: Yes, I am 100% less anxious about life in general. There is a lot of grace given in my perfectionistic idea that things have to be done in a certain time where I don’t measure up and then self-condemn. But, it’s like, “Hey! It’s fine.” Even things like the traffic don’t bother me really at all. I know a lot of missionaries talk about that--that the traffic is so bad,--and it is bad. But, my expectation is that it’s going to be bad, and it’s taught me to adapt instead of being so stressed out about how wrong it is. This is just a different way of doing things. At first glance, it feels like there are no rules, but there actually are rules and once you know them and operate within them, it makes life better. I think that is also in the way things are communicated or other cultural things to understand someone else’s point of view. You just have to understand where they’re coming from. Then it doesn’t seem as wrong; it’s just different. I just hadn’t learned a lot about other cultures or different ways of doing things growing up. So I think that’s also a gift. It’s also given me the gift of not having to live in the cold because I hate the cold. Jesus knew I needed live somewhere tropical.

Sarah: What things in Honduras break your heart?

Lindsey: So many things. Death in general. Growing up, I just didn’t know a lot of people who died, and I just feel like it’s very prevalent. I mean it’s prevalent in the States, but it feels further away when you hear news things. When it’s closer,--and even here, praise God, although I know it will come, I haven’t been super super close to someone that has died here. But it feels closer and like it happens more often, and it’s often very tragic. It’s often not “oh they were old, and it was time.” All of the violence is not something I was used to. I think the struggle between being one place and not knowing how to get out of it or not caring how to get out of it is really sad to me. On the flipside, honestly, another thing that really breaks my heart is how Honduras is seen in the rest of the world—that is so different from what it actually is. So even when we talk about, yes, there is death, and there is violence and corruption, but there are also a lot of really good things happening. There is also a lot of beauty and beautiful people that I know here and love. Beautiful places and culture and food. You know, and people don’t see that.

Sarah: Because it’s not a convenient sound byte, yeah.

Lindsey: Right, so I wish that Honduras could show itself better to the world because I know that there is so much good and beauty. But if you’re not here, you don’t know.

Sarah: Yeah, I’ve connected with that some because West Virginia is usually sort of an underdog at least for those of us who live there. It seems like every time that we’re on the news, we’re being portrayed negatively like “we don’t wear shoes or don’t have teeth, and we’re the most obese state in the union or whatever.” And I love where I’m from, and I’m really proud of being from West Virginia, but I do connect those feelings of going from one underdog place to another underdog place. And there are great things about both of them that people miss because they aren’t looking for it, and the powers that be don’t portray it.

Lindsey: Yeah, another thing that frustrates me is that the issues of corruption and violence and poverty—there’s not a black and white answer. So, I think, “What even is the answer then, Jesus?” Like, this shouldn’t be happening, but it’s happening because of this and this and this. There are just so many factors. It’s not as simple as coming in and saying this is what to do and this is how it’s going to get better. That sometimes makes me feel powerless. Like, what am I even doing? What efforts that are happening are even making a difference in the whole scheme of everything? Obviously, God is bigger than that, but it just feels like my eyes have been opened that there is not just one right answer. Otherwise it would be fixed.

Sarah: Yeah, I think the flipside of that is that nothing brings me to my knees in humility more than that realization that there’s no way I could find a solution as a human being for all of these things. And that’s both frustrating and oddly comforting that it’s not totally on my shoulders. Not that it ever would be for the entire nation anyway—but just that concept that there’s power in humility and reaching the end of ourselves and saying, “We are here. We do want to be willing vessels. But we also know that we don’t have the wisdom to make those decisions.”

Lindsey: Right, which is where I think worship comes in. There are so many missionaries here, to be honest. There are so many missionaries here doing so many things, and those are all good things, and they do make an impact. I believe that—I have to believe that. But, these things that are so deeply-rooted—the best of programs, I don’t think will break. But, God can. So then the only thing that we really can do that we know does things is pray and worship in an intercessory way because like you’re saying, it’s like, “God I can’t do this. We’re asking You to come and bring about change, believing that He empowers us as His followers to be what walks out that power and change.” It has to be that our focus is Him because we can’t do it.

Sarah: Which brings me to a question that I think is appropriate for the moment, which is—what are temptations that you feel like missionaries tend to face?

Lindsey: Well, for me, personally, that idea of having to show results and doing things that will give results. They may be good things, but they may not be THE thing that you’re called to do. Or forfeiting that being with God and being transformed by Him and taught and that spiritual growth aspect of it. Or even, taking a step farther, forgoing relationships for the doing because it doesn’t seem as productive, or it doesn’t show those results. It’s very tempting to just fill your schedule with things to do—at least for me.

Sarah: The needs are unending. I mean certainly if you’re just trying to be busy, you can kill yourself being busy.

Lindsey: Yes, you can be. But I feel like what I’ve had to come to is “What am I actually called to? And what is mine, and what is not mine? And what is mine for a season that I then get to put in the hands of someone else. But being more intentional about the decisions that I make and the way that I spend my week is something that has been a struggle that I’m slowly but surely improving.

Sarah: I can understand that. So then, what is the heart of ministry for you personally?

Lindsey: Good question. Do you mean what are my focuses?

Sarah: I think in some ways that’s who you are that then determines how that manifests in what you do, but it does start in the core of who you are, I think.

Lindsey: Well, a big part of me is relationships, and I don’t do surface level relationships well. I want to get down to your heart. I want to know how you’re doing in life, how you’re feeling, what are you struggling with, what are you rejoicing about. And also having someone I can be that with as well. Genuine relationships (where we’re both vulnerable and we still care about each other, and it doesn’t change how we see each other, and we can walk through a lot of mess). While it's really hard, doing relationships with community in general and doing life together with a group of people. That really started with my gymnastics because we spent our whole growing up lives together. Fifteen hours a week we were practicing, and then there were competitions. So you’re doing a lot of life together. At the school, we were living together, working together, figuring out life outside of the US together. So it’s a lot of really fun and beautiful things, but there are people involved. So there is also a lot of drama and mess. I mean life drama, but it’s highlighted when you’re in close proximity. From then, I was so passionate about how to do this well. How can we not be afraid of the mess and not let it break us, and how can we press into that and figure out what is really going on and deal with it and have hard conversations? I mean I used to hate conflict. I still kind of do in a way, but I see its value so much more now. I think doing life well together and helping groups of people do life well which doesn’t sound super Jesus-y except that when we’re talking about being the Body of Christ, yes, I want to see people saved, but once you’re here, then what?

Sarah: I think it’s super Jesus-y because it says to make disciples, and He had to deal with whiners and people that were competing with each other all the time. So yeah, I think He did a lot of that.

Lindsey: And I think with that, because part of my story of growing up was a lot of bullying, a lot of feeling isolated, a lot of feeling like I didn’t fit in with the people that I wanted to fit in with—not feeling seen by the people I wanted to be seen by—I’m really passionate about connecting people. Bringing people in and making sure that people don’t feel lonely. Seeing how really all of us—that’s one of our core longings, to belong somewhere and to be seen and loved anyway. Which, happens in Christ. We know that. He is the One who really fully sees us and fully loves us and accepts us. But then as Christians, we don’t do a great job all the time of communicating that. And not that everything is okay, and it’s all permissible. But come in, and we’re going to walk through this together. It’s not "you need to go away until you figure yourself out and comply with how we do things." It’s “Hey, let’s do it together.” If I know that you see me and that you love me and that you’re safe, then I will do that process of coming closer. And just seeing the young people here who are seeking—as we all are—that belonging family, and they find it in the gang because the gang is that brotherhood. It’s come and you’re accepted, but it’s at this cost that is so high. Even now, I hear from Jen [our missionary friend] that’s she’s talked with so many of them who say, “I would not choose this for anyone else.” But they didn’t feel like they had any other choice, and it met a need that they had. So what if we could be that? What if the church could be that—where people found that family and a God who saves them? So those things really are—no matter all of the different places that I’ve found myself—those things are core for me in ministry.

Sarah: Well, you and I have connected mostly with worship, so what is worship to you, and how has that changed for you over the course of your life?

Lindsey: So I grew up in the Methodist church and at the same time went to a Baptist Christian school from kindergarten through twelfth grade. Obviously, worship is so much more than music, but it was very much hymns-based. But at least in my family we also listened to contemporary Christian music. But I remember there was some probably very-well-meaning guy who came and spoke to a chapel at the school who said, “You shouldn’t listen to Christian music. It’s a sin, essentially.” I remember going home and crying with my mom saying, “What? We are sinning? I didn’t know!” It was one of those things where it was like, okay—it’s not so much about the music but rather what is the heart behind it. So, I always had this thing in me that wanted to move around a little bit but felt like I wasn’t allowed to. Then when I went to a college where people raised their hands, I was like, “Oh wow. What is this?” I found more freedom in expressing myself in worship which really is connecting with God. For me, it’s expressing to Him how I feel about Him, and being able to tell Him how much I love Him and remind myself of truth. But I’ve always connected with the Lord with music even when it’s not necessarily worship music but instrumental music or whenever there’s a singer that just has a voice—I get chills. And it’s just like, “Hey, Holy Spirit, this is You.” I don’t think I recognized what was happening when I was younger, but I just feel like music is the way that I connect with the Lord. And I know when I’m in worship or even in times of music, it’s like I get the realness of the Lord. It’s tangible even though music isn’t something I can touch. It’s the avenue through which I feel like I get a little bit closer to a tangible aspect of God and connecting to God in a tangible way. I started off—I didn’t want to be a worship leader. I didn’t want to sing in front of people. I did voice competitions when I was in school, but then in eighth grade, I forgot the words to a song in the middle of a competition. And it shut me down. Complete shutdown. I was so embarrassed, and I never wanted to sing in front of anybody ever again. And tried to, multiple times. I still tried out for vocal things at school and would never get them. Or I occasionally would but like it was a fight to even make my voice work. I was shaking involuntarily. So much anxiety wrapped up in it. And I started teaching myself guitar because there was something in me that needed to come out that wasn’t coming out because I wasn’t letting myself do it in front of anybody. So it became a me and Jesus thing. I literally tell people that I learned to play the guitar with YouTube and Jesus because I didn’t know what I was doing. In those times, again, I felt the Lord’s presence close to me and was able to write songs that were basically putting my journal to song. No one should worship to those songs in corporate settings, but it was a way for me to figure out what was happening on the inside of me especially in college. There was a lot of transformational things of my identity and solidifying where am I going after this. So worship is a very intimate thing for me. I often struggle to pay attention to what is happening to everyone else now that I am leading worship and a team of people at church and in other worship things. It’s harder for me to get outside of that intimate spot because it’s always been that. It’s always been just me and You, Jesus. It’s a way that I can intimately connect with the Lord.

Sarah: What is something that you’re learning now or that God has been saying to you recently?

Lindsey: Well, I think He is ripping off a new layer of how I see Him incorrectly. This idea of "give me the right answer, and I’ll do it." Growing up, I was the straight-A student and wanted to get 100%s on everything. I would study not to learn but to pass the test, and to be honest, I didn’t remember a lot of things after the test. And we just moved on to the next information that I had to shove into my brain to regurgitate on an exam, and I’d move on again. And I didn’t realize that I often do that in my relationship with the Lord especially in making life decisions or walking out things. I think, “Can You just give me the right answer so that I know what to do so I can pass the test and move on?” And He’s like, “That’s not how I teach because you won’t remember it. And there is a process/I’m not a teacher that is asking you a trick question when you have a decision to make. Actually, I want you to be involved in the process, and I want your desires and your wants and your opinions.” As we mature in Christ, like with a child who does need to just obey because Mom and Dad say because you’re learning right and wrong, there’s a maturing process. I think as we grow in our faith, you do pass maybe through that. You do this because you’re being obedient, and that’s a good thing, and we want to have surrender and a heart of obedience. But as we mature, as an adult, you can make decisions, and He says, “I want to hear what you want to do, and maybe I’m not going to just give you an answer.” That has shaken me a little bit because what happens if I make the decision and then it’s bad. And I don’t have God to blame it on… (laughs) Recognizing that it’s not Him being mean or asking a trick question. It’s actually His goodness in allowing me to have an opinion. That’s kind of what we’ve been working through and that I’m allowed to ask Him questions. He asks us questions, and we get to answer them. But He asks them so that we know what’s really inside of us, not because He doesn’t know. So that’s also been a process of what’s really inside of me and not being afraid of what’s really inside—in terms of dreams and desires and things. It’s okay to have the dreams and desires that I have, and I don’t have to apologize for them or explain them, really, to anybody. I mean obviously that can be taken too far, but that idea of it’s okay, and maybe there isn’t one right answer. And my perfectionism is like, “But why not?!”

Sarah: What’s it like being a single woman in Honduras? I know what answers I would have had, but I’d love to hear yours.

Lindsey: Aw man. Well, I think it’s fine. I’m fine. But, I mean—do people still catcall you even after you’re married?

Sarah: Yes. They don’t when I’m with my husband, but when I’m walking by myself, yes, they do.

Lindsey: Yeah, so that’s not necessarily a single thing.

Sarah: Maybe the question should be what’s it like to be a woman in Honduras in general I guess. Though to be fair, the same thing has happened to me in the US. Less frequently, but it has.

Lindsey: I think maybe the singleness has grown my confidence in doing things because I don’t have someone else to do them with me all the time. So, I feel like I’ve had to learn how to be an adult on my own. Growing up, my dad fixed the cars for us. My mom went with me to get my driver’s license. Things that there were family members to do things with you. Here it’s, “I want a driver’s license, so I guess I’m going to get the appointment and go to the place by myself and take the class.” It’s different things like that where at the beginning it was very much “avoid, avoid, avoid” because I don’t know. That’s just what I do when I don’t know how to do something. I just avoid it for a little while. But I’m getting much better at that. Where it’s actually, "no, I’m just going to go, and I’m going to figure it out.” So I think it has helped me because I personally needed to grow in that confidence. As good as my heart for connection and community and doing life well with people is, there was a dark side of “I’m dependent emotionally—and have to be—on other people, and I’m not okay by myself, and I can’t do things by myself.” Even in the process of figuring out my path for ministry, it has also been like “I’m not going to do that unless someone is doing it with me” or “I am going to do that because there is someone else doing it with me whether or not I’m actually called to it.” So I think with that, the practical side of having to do stuff by myself sometimes has also grown me in that I can now do things by myself, and it’s really fine.

Sarah: When you look back on your time being a single woman, whenever this is in the future, is that what you think will stand out—learning to stand on your own two feet?

Lindsey: I definitely think so. I definitely think so. And too just the journey that I’ve had with Jesus because it’s been Him and I. The intimacy we’ve cultivated. The relationship and path and experiences we’ve had. I talked with pastors, and I talked with my parents, but I didn’t have that one other. It wasn’t “my husband is called to ministry, so I’m going too.” Literally every decision has been me and Jesus. That is something I really love and will treasure. That’s obviously something that you take into marriage, but there’s another person who is involved. Being able to make those decisions and not having to talk to someone else about them. I choose to because I want to live in community, and I want to have good counsel. But, I like being able to have the freedom to make decisions.

Sarah: Yeah, it’s worth enjoying that. (laughs)

Lindsey: Being able to value my girl friendships really well also. I mean guy friendships too, but I really have some solid girl friendships around me that when you do live single for farther that you develop that. Then once you are married, they remain. It’s not the same connection in that we don’t talk every day, but when we’re together, it’s like nothing has changed. I mean one of the things that I have tried to value in my dating relationships is that I don’t want to step away from community because it is such a value to me. I don’t want a man to become my whole life; I want us to do our relationship surrounded by community and keep doing life together with our peers and people who are our mothers and fathers. There is that temptation because you do have to value that relationship, but as a single person I can fully pour myself into my community. I’ve reaped a lot of benefits from that. My connections and my relationships are just so rich because I’ve been able to do that.

Sarah: What do you miss most about the US?

Lindsey: Probably my family is really it. (laughs) I really don’t have a thing. I’m sure there are subliminal things. It’s not like I’m homesick for it, but sometimes I miss being able to speak English with everyone in public places. Sometimes I miss not having to be aware of another cultural perspective. Not everyone thinks like I do. Not everyone holds the same opinions that I do. I don’t even hold the same opinions that I used to, you know? But sometimes I kind of miss that bliss of just riding through life unaware of things. But I don’t know that that’s a US thing. I miss Panera Bread. There aren’t very many things.

Sarah: Where is one place you want to travel to?

Lindsey: Europe. Everywhere in Europe, and I know that’s very broad. I love history and culture, and I just like that Europe has such a rich history that goes back so far. The fact that things have been there for thousands of years. To go and see cultural places has always been on my list. And Israel. I’d really love to do a Holy Land tour and walk where Jesus was and see all the places that you read about in the Bible. Like, they’re real.

Sarah: That would be cool. What do you do in your free time, when you have free time?

Lindsey: The funny thing is that we’re talking free time as in when you’re not doing ministry. I generally am having coffee with somebody. Spending time with people. But, now, that is also included in ministry, so maybe that doesn’t count any more. But I like that and think it does. I like to watch movies with people. I like reading. One thing I honestly kind of miss and need to make time for it again is worship without an agenda. I put on worship and have time with Jesus, but the playing guitar part, I have found that I recently am only pulling it out when I have to prepare for the various worship things. I don’t generally take time for just playing around and worshiping and writing songs again. I do enjoy it. I should do that more. I like Instagram also. I’ll be honest. Instagram happens during my free time.

Sarah: I’d say that’s the case for a lot of people. (laughs) How would you describe your personality and how does it help you in ministry? I think some of it has already come out in this conversation in terms of relationship and community and hospitality.

Lindsey: I think I definitely—and I’m coming to accept it more—I have the sweet girl face, the sweet girl voice, and the sweet girl demeanor. In ministry, my first thought was I feel like I’ve struggled with that because I think it hurts me sometimes because of so many factors. Because I value people so much, and I don’t just want to stiff-arm you and want to see you, that can also get you into trouble. People can take advantage of it. I’m a very trusting person, and different things have happened where I felt like it has been a curse.

Sarah: But it has helped you to make the friends who then form the protective barrier which I have seen. I feel it myself sometimes, but I have seen it from people in your tribe anyway who also are looking out for you.

Lindsey: And I appreciate that because I need that. How it has helped me is that it keeps me soft to people because it can be so easy to stop seeing people here to protect yourself. I’ve had to find a balance in that. But I think that it helps me. I am also a very positive person. I’m optimistic almost to a fault in a lot of ways, but I think it can be a strength in a place with so much darkness. Or a place where you think, “Oh my gosh we’re still dealing with the same things.” I feel hope. It’s going to work. It’s going to change, or there is a possibility for this or whatever. Again, I’m thankful for my community that can kind of curve those edges a little bit. Like, “you’re so naïve; you have no idea.” I’m grateful for that.

Sarah: But you also help those of us who can be negative to be less jaded or not jaded.

Lindsey: Yeah, I guess there are strengths.

Sarah: What are you most looking forward to?

Lindsey: What am I looking forward to in ministry or in life?

Sarah: Just in general. Well, I think for me personally I’m such a scheduler, for one thing. And also, I like to reflect a lot, and when I get into a season of time where I feel like it’s just the same routine, or I’m just waiting on something to happen—and maybe I know what that something is or maybe I don’t—the biggest thing that I need to keep myself engaged in life is something to look forward to. And that can be something as simple as “my husband’s birthday is coming up in a month, and we have nothing on the horizon that is creative or exciting, so let me just pour myself into making that something that’s worth looking forward to.”

Lindsey: Is that you Enneagram 7 wing coming out?

Sarah: Maybe. I do like the effort of making things special. I don’t like to live in routine all the time.

Lindsey: I just don’t think ahead a lot. So like I’m looking forward to hopefully getting a good night’s seep tonight or drinking tea when I get home. (laughs) No, but I could give some real answers. I’m looking forward in this season to walking out something without anxiety. I don’t know if that makes sense? I think this is the first season in my life that we’re just starting where all the other seasons when I was just starting something new there was this anxiety of “I don’t know what’s going to happen; I don’t know; is this the right way to be getting to where I know I’m trying to go?” And I think part of it is spiritual maturity and emotional maturity, but also just finally finding what was right. I’m looking forward to walking out this season—there are a lot of things that are starting in all the areas of my life, and I’m really looking forward to walking forward in them with the confidence that I have, with the self-assurance that I’ve grown into, and just knowing that I’m in the right place. Like, I know I’m in the right spot in all of these areas. I’m looking forward to seeing what the Lord does as we take these steps in all of these areas.

Sarah: That’s cool because I think I also feel like I am finally getting to a place where my excitement and my curiosity outweigh my anxiety. I’ve had previous seasons like that, but it’s been a long time ago. Okay, is there anything else that you feel like people should know about you?
Lindsey: About me? Hmm. I don’t know. I don’t like talking about myself.

Sarah: Well, that’s fair. (laughs) So thank you for doing this!


As a missionary, I have internally wanted to be someone's "until"--basically a marker in someone's life where someone could say, "My life was like this until I met Sarah." And, Lindsey has been a major "until" in my life. I spent at least the first half of my life as a missionary very isolated and never feeling understood. Community can make all the difference in making a place feel like home, and when I look back on my life here in Honduras I feel so drastically different now because of the community God has placed in my life, because of feeling understood, because of iron sharpening iron with those relationships. And, so much of that community started with sending a message to a stranger who is now my dear friend, Lindsey. I don't know if the moral of the story is that we should be brave in making friends or just that she is wonderful and accepting. But, either way, I am grateful.